Friday, May 7, 2010
{ 7:04 PM }
Okay. confession time. If there's one thing that I want--or need to change about myself, it's that I'm easily threatened. When someone's better than me at something, or looks prettier than me, or is smarter than me, I sweat a little -- or at least I feel like I'm sweating-- and I just gape in admiration and hoping I could be as blessed in that certain field that person is gifted with, or at.
These are the times I thank myself for buying Sen. Chiz's autobiography, if there's one thing he's taught me, it's that people are made differently. I have to recognize that I am different from the next person, and this is how I was made. So I guess somehow, that reflex reaction "She's prettier/smarter/sexier/nicer/got bigger boobs than me" has turned into somewhat positive, and I'm more appreciative of people's different assets.
But I guess there will come a point in a person's life, specifically one in a relationship where he, or she, will feel threatened. Sometimes it's not about who's got the better skin, or who can skate or sing or dance better than I do...you get the drift. There's that feeling that you love this someone, and this someone turns out to have a certain person in his life that knows him the way I don't, and has gone through thick and thin with him in what I only hear as stories about reminiscing the past. You're happy for him, you really are, and you don't ever plan on taking that happiness away, but your stomach churns at the idea that probably, just probably, creme brulee isn't enough. (Movie reference. HAH. I kill myself :P ) But don't get me wrong, I don't plan on turning into a psychotic girl anytime soon who's too overbearing and shit. I think it's a normal thing to happen in relationship that one gets threatened once in a while-- what's abnormal about it is if you choose to handle it irresponsibly.
As for me? I'll just probably leave it all to faith. My cousin told me last night, Love is a will, not a feeling. A will, because both of you work at things to make the love even stronger. Because if it is a feeling, and only a feeling, like a shooting star, it will just fleet. I guess many will agree with me on the notion that love is stronger than any other feeling.
Like what Sen. Chiz taught me (funny how a politician can guide me about teenage problems), I'm just going to have to accept that I'm different, and that person is made differently, and this someone loves me for who I am-- despite being short, neurotic, and just plain clueless at times. :P
.....nevermind. I'm not making any sense here. =)) I just needed to blow off some steam.
