{ 12:16 AM }

Wasn't it just yesterday I posted an epic blog of a monthsary? :P


Head to toe we match you know.
Together watching the falling snow,
Staying warm beside the fire, looking out the window.
I'm loving everything you say and do,
Tell you when you say you feel it too,
I'm gonna say that you're the one, and that my search is done.
'Cause you,
You make me feel,
That everything is going right,
That I can go to sleep tonight,
And awake to find you here.
You make me feel,
That everything is going right,
That I can go to sleep tonight,
And I wake up to your voice, down, blankets and pillows. ♥

didn't write this one. just loaned it from Gabe Bondoc. :P

'Cause baby, we match in ways they'll never know. :) I love you Mark. :) Just....thank you. For coming here, for putting a smile on my face. Natawa ako nung nag-alarm yung phone ko, "Monthsary, 12:00 AM" haha. :P thanks for the prank. :))

awwwwwww. you've only been away 7 hours but I already miss you. :) yuck...obsessed na ba? =)))) joke lang. :P

happy monthsary Superman. :)

Thursday, October 22, 2009 { 7:10 PM }

So normally I have this rule on not butting in on other people's lovelives, especially my friends', but I figured....once in a while it's fun. :))

This just goes out to my friend and her significant other. So while I'm not exactly Dr. Phil, maybe some of my insanity would rub off on you and turn the world right upside again. Crazy, isn't it? :)) Pax once told me that only insane people deal with the crazy shit that is love. If love makes us insane, then so be it. :D We need some insanity in our lives to go 'round. :)

So basically I'm warning you, my post will be full of references and just cheesy ripoffs of quotes, but they're true nonetheless. :D

Taylor Swift just sums it all up the best-- "This love is difficult, but it's re-eal." So did Chuck Bass-- "In the face of true love, you never give up." When two people enter a relationship, basically they're signing this invisible yet totally valid contract that ensues a lot of insanity, random moodswings and maybe even times that you'll feel like giving up. Yet that contract assures you that you're doing this in the name of love. Just....all those craziness for one word that all the 6pointsomething billion other people in this world have found, are finding, or lost. Cheeeeessyy....right? But basically love gives you the license to be whoever you want to be--insane or borderline freaky.

Love is not only about finding happiness. Though of course, happiness happens to be a good chunk of it....it also entails sacrifice, patience, understanding, and just a lot more that we human beings find in the name of human nature. It takes grown-ups for relationships to work. Though I'm not saying that you need to be in your 20's for this to happen...what's important is that you grow together and learn from your mistakes....like Pax said, it's not the fights that make couples stronger...it's what they learn from it that does.

My point is, in relationships, there will come a certain point that you won't like what you're experiencing, you won't agree on everything and you'll probably even dislike each other....but it's just part of the insanity you signed up for. You didn't sign up for a fairytale....hell, you signed up for a relationship. Which has its ups and downs....but either way, you learn from each other so much more. :)

So if ever you feel like giving up, don't. But then again, it all comes down to you. I won't dictate you on how to manage your relationship.....but hangga't kayang ayusin, ayusin. Breakups are thoroughly thought through....some take days to ponder, weeks, months even. Breakups are only to be resorted to if you think that you're not getting what you really want in the relationship anymore, and that you're not really happy anymore. Because if you don't make the right decision....you might end up regretting it.

By the end of this post, I'd have learned that you two have already made up. :P Which is good. :) Oh well. But at least somehow I hope some people would have benefitted from this. :P Which just really takes a lot of common sense....but sometimes when in doubt, you tend to lose them. :))

{ 5:24 PM }

Today's one of the days I'm kind of thankful for....I just woke up with a chipper disposition and all, and for once, I think my old mature self is back, since I've been out of orbit and just plain immature at times recently. Although I have my occasional pepper spray episodes.... :)) but I digress.

I've been thinking a lot lately, which usually leads me to staring into blank spaces at random times....that's why I'm usually an object of ridicule by my friends :)) That's what happens when I just think too much.

One of the things I've been really pondering about is college. Since I started my senior year, there's never been a day when I've at least thought about my future. It's just kind of hard, living in the moment per se, not knowing what'll happen in a few months-- give or take 5 months, I'll be receiving my diploma and be out of high school at once, not to mention I'd have already found out by then the results of my several college entrance exams....*bites fingernails nervously*

I feel like such a failure though. Until now, I don't really know what I want to do. I thought I was one of those people that did, but just so many things happen, it kind of changes plans. Damnit, dare I say it, I feel like Troy Bolton. :)) For a really long time, I thought-- take up Journalism, or some related course, then Law. It was all planned out for me. I'd be involved in hard-hitting news while also spending time in court defending some bigshot case. Then maybe if I grew a little older, I'd be involved in a little public office, just to be able to help other people, to protect their welfare, to help the country. I thought I had it all going for me. But then my parents begin to go...."But you're an American citizen, use your advantage" or "We don't have enough money for law school." What just irks me off the most that much as I'd hate to admit it, they're by all technical means right. Life is hard, and not taking advantage of my citizenship is tantamount to being a person who hasn't eaten for three days and gets thrown a sandwich--but you don't eat it because you don't like the flavor. I mean, any sane person would eat that sandwich regardless of its taste because you need it. Because you may not get any other opportunity when you let it pass by.

Another thing....money for law school. I'm not rich, and I've applied for scholarships in universities which I'm eligible for. That alone is hard, because you never get any assurance, no one tells you that "Oh, you're a shoe-in for financial aid, you've got the credentials" because as far as you're concerned, you're competing against everyone else in limited slots for scholarships. Because let's face it, I'm no running valedictorian. Honors, sure....but like I've said before, I'm no Gabriella Montez. (sick of the HSM references? :P ) Plus, my mom doesn't really want me defending for something that isn't right, defeating the very purpose of your profession which is to deliver justice to the oppressed. That alone is a huge factor. So I've sort of pushed it away. :P

.....maybe I could be just a journalist? That could work. Then again, there's the thing about money, and just the very safety of your life. I can definitely see myself migrating after graduation --though I'm hoping it's not permanent, because I'd want to go back to the Philippines--, so I'd rather choose a more practical course.

.....how about Pharmacy, or any pre-med course? Riiight, because both my parents are doctors. It's in the genes...right? My mom's been pushing me to go this track because not only is healthcare a lucrative workplace salary-wise abroad....I could work for a number of years and even go back to the Philippines to go to med school. While it sounds like a solid plan, it's exactly why I'm not so comfortable. For a while I've been easing up to this plan, pre-med doesn't sound like such a bad idea....but it's not what I REALLY want to do. It's something I'm okay with, but it's not my number 1 dream or anything. Plus, even if I do get a solid job in the States, if I go back to the Philippines...will it assure me as steady a job and salary here as I had there? Though I would go to med school for the sake of having a title-- "Samantha Beltran, M.D.", if I already start working I think I'd lose my interest in going back to school, because if I finish med school I'd be in my what, thirties?

.....okay, sort of win-win. How about I go be a teacher? Just yesterday my aunt called my mom up from Chicago and told her to let me work as a teacher instead because apparently, it's in demand. Now, this is sort of a win-win for a number of reasons: coincidentally I applied for BS Early Childhood Education in one of the universities I applied for, and I kind of want to work with kids. So it's sort of win-win....right? After all, I could go back to the Philippines and just work in any school. But the thing is, I'm not sure if they want me to teach pre-school...maybe they're looking for something in elementary/high school level. English? Maybe, maybe I could teach English....but the very thought of my students being taller than me kind of weirds me out. :)) I mean, I'm used to being vertically challenged, but if I want to be a figure of authority I have to at least look the part. :P Plus, even if I've expressed my sentiments once in probably putting up my own pre-school.....is teaching really something I'd want to do for the rest of my life? By all means I am not putting this profession down, since I'm also considering it somehow....but it's never really what I imagined myself doing. I know I sound confusing, because I want to put up my own school, yet I'm not sure about being a teacher for the rest of my life--but I mean, even putting up a school alone is an ambitious goal. I'd need the funds for it. And probably a masters degree. Or a Ph.D. Plus, what bothers me is that I know that there's something that I want to do....I want to do a lot of things--god I sound like that Centrum commercial. :)) But seriously speaking....I feel restricted, constrained and not getting out of the box if I confine myself to this. So gah...I don't really know. :|

I think I just have to clear my mind for now--this is what I get for thinking too much. :)) am I getting too forward? Should I slow down a little? I just can't help but be scared....the future's months away and I have to make a decision that would just make or break me.

I think I'm gonna go chill. :))

Monday, October 19, 2009 { 11:48 PM }

I'm up. Past my bedtime (as usual, haha). WHY? I blame Gabe. Bondoc, for that matter. :P

Well it's really no secret that I'm a fan of the guy and his covers (I'm pretty sure everyone's heard of his cover Love Story, his most popular video to date with over 1million views). But while his covers are amazing, his ORIGINAL songs are just pure love.♥



My personal favorite, Gentlemen Don't. Whenever he plays the song, panalo na intro pa lang. It never fails to bring a smile on my face. Every time. And I mean it. :) It's one of the best songs he's written in my opinion.



Waiting...another one of my favorites. It's just a really good song, and I was almost in tears when I was watching it. It's not his saddest song (I think it's Suitcases, another amazing song), but the emotion just shines through it all. The melody's very soothing too. :)



aaaand a personal favorite, Life Love Everything. ate Issa even referenced this song on her blog. (haha, hi ate Issa! :D ) song for the people in love. :) woo!

another song for people in love, We Match :) :






and Dorm Room, which is just basically about memories manifested in things inside a room.

though I've posted my favorites here, I highly, highly recommend you see all of his videos. And be amazed and inspired. :) and I know all I did for this post was to copy+paste video links and put short descriptions (woooo, way to be productive, Sam :)) ) and instead of going to bed, here I am Youtube-ing. :P

almost 12:30 AM. I think I'm gonna go fall asleep to Gabe Bondoc. :P

{ 7:50 PM }

Because of ANTON (thank you Mr. Anthony :)) ) I found out that dundundun....


RENT is going to be shown here in Manila again! The last time they staged Rent here was waaaayy back in 2001 by Atlantis Productions (LOVE their musical adaptations :) ). and since I got obsessed with Rent, it's been my prayer that they'd show Rent again here, somehow. Though I thought it wasn't going to happen.

A lot of people who know me know how much I love Rent, and I'm a self-proclaimed Renthead (which us Rent fans collectively call ourselves :P ) and Jonathan got to watch it on Broadway and I didn't :( and this just makes me go "FAAAAAAAA *dies*" :)) I know I sound like an incoherent druggie, but I'm just really excited. And if I go and watch this I'd be reaaaaaaally happy. :D I know I've explained the premise of Rent a thousand times, but for those who haven't heard of it, it's a critically-acclaimed and award-winning Broadway musical, having won a Pulitzer and a Tony. It is also responsible for increasing the popularity of musical theater among the younger generation (thank you Wikipedia :P ). It's a rock musical about this group of bohemians who try to celebrate life in the midst of poverty and AIDS. Basically it's really popular, and it ended its 12-year run last September 7, 2008. Now that it's going to be shown in the Philippines after it closed on Broadway...it makes me happy. :P

Then Anton told me that they would be showing Rent....again! YAY! :) As a RENThead....you can only imagine the excitement and joy I felt. :)) though I don't think Atlantis is doing it anymore, instead it will be produced by 9WorksTheatrical....but still, it looks pretty good. :D

check this site out:

http://www.ourawesomeplanet.com/awesome/2009/10/rent-in-manila-1.html


YAAAAAAAAYY. and it will be held in February. no worries. it's my birth month. :) *screams* *faints* *wakes up* *screams again*

all credit to ourawesomeplanet.com and Anton :) (coincidentally, the webmaster of the site is also named Anton, so thank you too :D )

on a side noteeee....Atlantis is apparently preparing for adaptations of the Broadway musicals Xanadu and Legally Blonde the Musical for Summer 2010! This is honestly just making me all ADD. :)) Right now, they're working on Spring Awakening which, on a Gleek note, Lea Michele starred in. :P and I found this through Playbill, which is basically theatregoers' handbook. :P SO IT'S LEGIT. :> also, I checked Atlantis Productions' website, and true enough they're doing these musicals. So what does Sam do? SAVESAVESAVESAVE MONEY. :D (or just do puppy dog eyes and plead the 'rents to buy me tickets...)

I hope they do Wicked. :> that would be FANTASTIC. or hell, even Lion King. :P

{ 10:57 AM }

To feel his strong arms around me again. :) To hear him laugh his adorable laugh and whisper "I love you" in my ears. :D To see his beautiful smile and know that it's for me. :) To feel his soft, candy lips. To look back in his loving gaze and know that we're for each other. To feel like the girl I was and the boy he became one summer night.


To remind myself once again what our sacrifices are all for. :) Waiting in the rough, sticking through hard times while being comforted by the thought that, "Okay lang 'to, makikita ko din naman siya eh."


I just needed to see him, touch him, feel him to stop me from going insane. :))




....have I told you that I love you? :) 4 days to go. ♥

Thursday, October 8, 2009 { 9:59 PM }

it's 1 minute till 10. and I'm going crazy like shit.




god, Sam. tanga mo. tanga tanga mo. UGH. sarap mong sapakin. for reals. :| :| :|

I basically forgot everything I reviewed for Advanced Bio. goodluck sakin.




.....did I mention that I was an idiot?

EDIT: my Glee episode 6 isn't yet done downloading. I downloaded that at 5PM. FUUUUUCK THIS. :| :| :| sorry ma, di ko napigilan eh.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009 { 11:28 PM }

"i miss you :) cge mtlog nko :P haha :D"

yuck ang corny ko. binlog ko pa yun :)) seriously though, that short text from him just made me smile. just an hour before when we were on the phone I just acted weird, something that's kindof been happening lately. I don't know, maybe it's because I'm just freaking out that we're kind of far away....but we really try not to make that an issue. awkward silence ensues. and then he falls asleep on the phone. I keep yelling but he's so sound asleep I can't bother to wake him up and instead listen to his breathing on the phone until it hangs up on its own. then i try to come up with a really long message how I'm sorry with the way I'm acting and that I love him...I love him so much. after some time passes when he realizes he's slept on me, he calls to say goodnight, and tells me to sleep because I always sleep late :P. we hang up. then he texts me. just so randomly, none of that cheesy stuff. it's so straightforward, so him and yet so sincere.

sometimes it's not the novel-long and cheesy fluff that makes my heart jump (though I'm not complaining, I love his fluffy long texts); it's just those short messages he texts out of the blue that makes me really melt inside. :D

awwwwww I love you. :)

and now I have to get back on studying. when did Economics get so friggin' hard? :| too. many. things. to. memorize. :))

Monday, October 5, 2009 { 8:10 PM }

Okay so basically I retired my skin for a short while, and went back to basic. It pretty much sucks not having a comments page...I found a code which supposedly allowed comments...while it showed that I had 0 comments, when I clicked it to leave a comment, there was no comments page. boohoo. :(

so while I sort out how to be able to allow comments, meanwhile this'll do. :) I'm not really expecting a gajillion comments, but I hope you do share whatever you have to say. :D THANKS. :D