-- 5 feet tall of awesome.

An epiphany

2010-10-21T14:14:00.004+08:00

Being home in Bataan for the sem break, I rummaged through my old documents on my old laptop, and I found this-- the essay I wrote as part of my ACET application last year, answering the question "Are there any experiences you have had, or any accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?"

Looking back now, it helps me reflect how much I have changed--and how much I have stayed the same over the course of a little over a year. And while my current setback(s) are a far cry from what I described as my first failure below, it inspires me just all the same.

Kung nakayanan ko dati, makakayanan ko rin ngayon.

My first love

Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.

If I would be asked to describe my life, it would probably be similar to something out of a Disney movie. When I was younger, I saw the world through rose-tinted glasses, as I lived what seemed to be a twisted and sugarcoated version of life. I was oblivious to the many realities, the everyday hardships people seemed to undergo around me. Inevitably, this also affected my view of success, as I had seen so far, I seemed to get everything I wanted. It felt like second nature that things seemed to go my way. When my father first told me about the saying, I knew what it was trying to say theoretically but never really understood it. Given that my outlook on life was one-sided and naïve, I was under the idealistic impression that once you work hard to reach your goal, you succeed. While in several ways it was definitely true, there were no ifs and buts for me. Failure was a foreign concept.

But what exactly changed that notion that seemed to mislead me for the years I’ve been living? A simple answer to a seemingly simple question: my first love. My first love, like many other firsts, is something I will never forget. It feels like the missing piece in the puzzle of my life; without it, I’m incomplete. Yes, I know it’s clichéd. However, trite as it may be, it does not hide the fact that writing is innate in me. It is part of who I am.

One of my most fervent passions is writing. From an early age, I had already been exposed to literature, starting with bookshelves full of children’s books and encyclopedias. While I also enjoyed playing with children my age, most of the time I immersed myself in my house’s library, relishing every bit of information and stories the pages relayed. Consequently, I had been inspired enough to compose stories and poems of my own. For me, writing was more than just a creative outlet of releasing emotion; it was capturing it. I loved how a chain of words danced around the pages, vivid enough to bring a fictional character alive. I was amazed with how the biggest adventures thought unimaginable unfolded before my very eyes with a mere flip of a page. I knew that inside my little heart, I wanted to create that same magic that these tightly bound pages in my hands possessed. Since then, I knew I had already wanted to be a writer.

When I had grown a little older and was already in grade school, I had the privilege to join our school organ. I kept contributing my own stories, anticipating the moment when the drafts would finally turn into articles, and the rough layouts would finally turn into a newspaper, with my name printed on some sections. I was cultivating not only my skill in writing, but my drive to keep on pursuing something I obviously loved. In the sixth grade, I was appointed editor-in-chief of our school paper, and I joined the Division Schools Press Conference for the first time competing in Editorial Writing, along with my classmates. We emerged as the Highest School Pointer in our division, and progressed to the Regionals. I can still remember the feeling being in a room with almost fifty other pupils in my category, knowing that we were all competing for only three slots to join the much-awaited National Schools Press Conference in Aklan. I walked out of that same room a few hours later, nervous yet satisfied, knowing that I had given my all and written what I knew and felt. I was shaking when they announced the names of the winners the next day, and imagine my awe when my name was called out as the champion. I competed in Aklan months later and luckily enough, I secured 5th place in the competition for my category. The next year, I was again fortunate to be chosen to represent my school in the same contest even if I was only in my first year of high school. I won 3rd place in the Regionals, something I considered astounding for myself since my competitors were older than I was. Though I didn’t win in the Nationals, I had gone home with all the confidence in myself.

The story does not end here . In my second year, I had once again competed in the division level and won first place. I was hoping for another triumphant repeat-- after all, I had done it before, why couldn’t I do it now? I rigorously prepared myself for whatever topic they would let us write about and I made sure to be knowledgeable about the subject matter. I spent the nights away writing and researching about every possible topic the judge could have us write during the contest. The competition came and I knew I was ready. However, akin to the popular song, I did my best but apparently, it was not good enough. I did not even make it to the top 10 which was so ironic, considering how I fared in the past two years. I still met the same fate last year, which needless to say, devastated my spirit. Yet again, overused as it may sound, it is definitely my passion for writing which fuels me to keep on moving forward and hone my craft. How was I possibly going to do this if my interest had gone astray?

I was halfway determined to give up writing for I felt like I had lost my touch. Dealing with two losses in a row was something I was not prepared for; I had never really encountered failure in the past, or rejection, for that matter. My self-esteem truly suffered, on account of I had always seemed to do well before. I wouldn’t say I am an excellent writer, but I make sure to put a generous amount of effort in my writings, and to be rejected for something I had put so much work into was a huge disappointment. While it might seem petty to some, for me it was a big deal because I believed that the contest determined my skill in writing. I felt like whatever article I wrote would never surpass mediocrity; my consecutive losses had totally undermined my belief in my abilities.

“Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game”. My family and friends, knowing how affected I was by this, little by little helped me recover from my shattered self-esteem, and somehow the quote came up on several occasions. By then, I had now known what it truly meant-- Just because I lost did not necessarily mean I was a loser. In fact, losses are simply God’s own way of emptying the glass, so to speak. My first taste of defeat and disappointment was a wake up call to me to plant my feet firmly on the ground and to let me comprehend that what comes up must eventually come down. I should not let myself be affected by setbacks; rather, I must let those downfalls serve as a reminder for me to truly strive for my goals. And if I don’t succeed, it is better to have failed knowing I tried than to spend the rest of my life thinking “what if”.

Since then, I had realized a lot of things, especially about myself. Writing is and will continue to be a part of me. Being free to express my emotions and weave worlds through pen and paper helped me realize that not only am I strong-willed and independent, I am also creative. This experience solidified the fact that I give my one hundred and one percent in things I am passionate about. I learned to be triumphant in victory, yet gracious in defeat. I realized that I am courageous, because I did not walk away from my fears. I may have struck out, but fortunately, I’m still here playing the game for one last time.

Now that I’m a high school senior and editor-in-chief of my high school’s campus paper, I will not let the fear of losing or getting rejected force me to abandon my first love--writing. Who knows, maybe someday I would end up writing my own fairytales for thousands of generations to enjoy. As long as I know that the fear of failing is well behind me, I know I can be invincible to obstacles that would threaten to disparage my soul. For the true measure of man is not by how long he is able to stand, but by how he rises after he falls.

stuck

2010-10-18T10:22:00.001+08:00

Some things never change, which isn’t exactly a good thing I suppose. Here I am, in a cramped-up apartment room, just right smack in the middle of the busy and stress-inducing streets of Manila, yet I feel exactly the same way I did more than a year ago, locked up in my small bedroom in relatively more peaceful Bataan. But my mind is still chaotic, my thoughts restless.

You’d think that in college, everything would change. A whole other set-up; an entirely different game. In some ways, it is. It’s a refreshing break from the same environment I’ve known for nearly 13 years of my life, and it’s humbling to be in a crowd of different people from different walks of life, with intellectual capacities possibly even greater than mine.

Yet, this game is the ultimate challenge. Enough of the little leagues, I’ve graduated to the major leagues. And sometimes, it’s not about how well you play the game. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to play the game, there’s that chance that you will fall. Despite several vain attempts to get back up on your feet. Standing up victoriously is hard, especially if you’re severely wounded.

And you know what hurts the most? No matter how much blood, sweat and tears you’ve shed, no matter how many bones you’ve broken, and no matter how much you’ve tried and stubbornly refused to accept defeat, even if it’s right there screaming at your face, is that you still end up feeling like a failure. It’s like having your coach yell at you that you didn’t play the game right, despite you almost dying out on the field. It’s having him tell you that you didn’t try hard enough, even if you did. It’s having him let you feel like such a disappointment, such a shame to him, when all you wanted to hear was, “You fought well. You put up a good fight.”

How can you fight for something when someone’s already telling you that you’ve lost?

Some things never change.

Just a short sentiment.

2010-08-12T17:42:00.002+08:00

I was just reading an article online regarding the Palace declaring August 23 a regular working day, and moving Ninoy Aquino's death anniversary on August 21, the original date, when I was surprised, nay, appalled at some of the rather violent comments regarding the move. Let me reiterate, that it was GMA during her presidency that declared August 23 as a holiday.

http://ph.yfittopostblog.com/2010/08/11/palace-august-23-a-regular-working-day/

Some of these people were angry at PNoy's move (probably completely forgetting the fact that the holiday in the first place is observed in memory of his very own father), stating that the decision messed up people's schedules and plans who initially foresaw August 23 as a holiday, and that the administration had no mercy on the people "who wanted a day-off" (because apparently to some people, work without pay doesn't matter.)

I'm restraining myself from "attacking" (yes, with quotation marks) these people who are probably (and hopefully!) in the minority regarding this issue, so let me put it in the simplest way possible: People like these are the reason why the Philippines is not progressing.

Details in the fabric

2010-08-06T09:52:00.004+08:00

So, it’s been a while since I last blogged. Today, I realize, is the late President Cory Aquino’s death anniversary…and it’s officially been a year since I’ve taken my UPCAT. Barely three months into UP, and I’m slowly beginning to be immune to the pungent odors and generally hostile environment of Manila—definitely not the most conducive learning conditions, but I’ll survive—hopefully.

Looking back, how things have turned out now, is not how I’d have imagined myself a year ago, in my blue-and-yellow uniform, starry-eyed and all. Hell, I’d never even considered Nursing. I’ve thought of two things to do after I’d gotten the news: Lock myself in my room and sulk, and scream. But really, where does that get me?

A talk with Mark two weeks ago on our anniversary has made me think a lot—maybe it is time to make Plan B. I guess the reason I’ve been feeling so helpless for over a year now is the perpetual thought of being doomed. I’ve always felt that I had no control over my life, my future. After a sudden contemplation, I’ve realized (word of the day :P) several things.

I may never be a famous journalist or broadcaster.
I may never get to write a world-famous novel a la Harry Potter.
I may never get to travel the world, and learn languages and cultures.
I may never get on Broadway…ever.

On the other hand,

I may STILL get into law school.
I may still be able to shift.
Or, I may stay in Nursing.
But definitely, I WILL help in whatever ways I can.

Funny, how barely three months in UP has changed me. Personality-wise, I’m probably still the same old Sam, but the ideals UP stand for has helped shape whatever goals I choose to pursue. I remember during my senior year in high school thinking that thinking of life ahead was still a big hazy cloud, with a giant question mark (?) on it. Funny how things turned out afterwards. And in some respects, I still feel that way. Nursing was never part of my plan. But given what choices I have, and things I choose to stand for now, it MAY be.

Passing through PGH to get to Padre Faura makes me see the plight of many Filipinos, waiting in what seems like a never-ending line. Some of them even wait for hours. They choose to go to PGH, because where else can they turn to? They have to suffer and endure the tedious, poor system, with the huge risk of being cut off from the quota simply because PGH is the only hospital within their means that can attend to their illnesses. The thought of leaving the country abroad, helping other people from other countries that have adequate facilities with their healthcare, while having full knowledge of how poor the Philippine health situation is, is just selfish. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame those people who go abroad in search of greener pastures, especially given the fact that times are hard these days for them to earn money. It’s just that, I feel that as a Nursing student, I feel like I have a responsibility to take care of these people. I don’t blame UP for implementing the Return Service Agreement. Because, what’s wrong with giving back?

On the other hand, let’s say I do shift, and law school doesn’t work out, I’d probably choose to be a professor in UP. I’ve always expressed wanting to have my own preschool when I grew older, and though UP is a far cry from that, there’s just something endearing about education, and sharing it. I know it’s going to be hard, but I do see myself having that sense of fulfilment by being an educator. I want to inspire people, and have that opportunity of helping them become the best people they can be. Plus the feeling of giving them cincos. >J And of course, it’s one of the ways I can give back.

Hopefully that hazy cloud is clearing up. Maybe, just maybe, I’m not doomed to fail after all.

And sorry for the song reference. :P It just felt fitting.

Noynoy.

2010-05-09T09:09:00.005+08:00

Elections are coming up, and while I'm a few years away from being a registered voter, I think I should be entitled to sharing my thoughts, since I am a Filipino with as equal rights as those who are old enough to vote.

I was supposed to make a post about who I support, personally, and why I support him, but this post I found on Facebook by a guy named Paolo Tamase sums up the entire thing.

Why I'm voting for Noynoy

Many young people (like me, don't laugh) have already written about Gibo and Gordon. But very few have written about Noynoy. Whether or not you have made up your mind on who to vote for, please allow me to explain why I am voting for Benigno Aquino III this Monday.

In a single sentence, I'm voting for Noynoy because he is average, he is not presidential, and he cannot fix our problems.

Average

To begin, Noynoy's critics say that he is the "pwede na" candidate. Gibo was a former Defense Secretary, while Gordon is Red Cross chairman, former mayor, Subic transformer, and distinguished senator. Villar's rags-to-riches story is not the story of an "average person." Why, good friends say, should I vote for the Senator who didn't pass any law in congress?

Well, I am voting for the Noynoy who may not have authored as many bills as his rivals, but who was present in almost all Senate sessions (because laws don't pass without the votes) while his rivals were busy campaigning for the presidency two years before the election. I am voting for the Noynoy who sat through budget hearings to question unnecessary government spending; the Noynoy who simply did his job, but did it well.

While he came from one of the richest families and one of the best schools in the country, Noynoy wears cheap clothes that grow two sizes larger at his campaign sorties. He lives in the small Times St. home he grew up in. He can choose to live the good life, but he lives a life with as many comforts as discomforts.

In so many respects, Noynoy is like the guy in the middle of the class ranking, who chooses to do things quietly but is always there when you need him. We often look for the person that stands out, but this Monday, I am voting for the average student because I can identify with him and he can identify with us. Maybe we don't need the brightest president, but we certainly need one who will trust in the people and will be humble enough to listen to us.

Not Presidential

Like it or not, the president is the face of the nation. If SWS asked voters who is the best-looking presidential candidate, they'd most unlikely go for the sole unmarried. Balding hair, protruding stomach, and baggy clothes? You wouldn't want your president sporting that in the ASEAN summit.

In other aspects, Noynoy is also un-presidential. He does not have the rockstar ability to rouse a crowd. Unlike some of the other candidates, he has no ability to fund his own campaign. Unlike all of the other candidates, he did not really want to be president.

But while he can't make all people stand in his rallies, he has already inspired hundreds of thousands throughout the country to campaign for him. He doesn't own a business empire that funds his sorties, but the poorest and richest of people donate to his campaign. Wary of the great temptation of power, he doesn't want this job as much as his rivals do and as strongly as Marcos, Erap and GMA did. But this may be his great asset, as he will not cling to power; he will define his presidency instead of allowing himself to be defined by it.

He may not have the boyish good looks that make the eldest of lolas faint, or the swagger that allows Obama to gather as much people in DC as in Berlin, but Noynoy is presidential in the aspects that really matter. If he wins, he will be a president like no other.

Won't Fix Our Problems

What has become a great national illness is our propensity to look for a national messiah. We voted Marcos the bar topnotcher because he possessed the skills and the brains supposedly needed in the presidency. We elected Erap because he seemed to promise an end to poverty (sounds familiar?) We elected GMA because, with a Ph.D. in Economics, she should've possessed the working knowledge to build a stronger economy founded on stronger institutions.

It was not wrong that we voted people who were skilled. What was wrong was we expect our presidents to run the country by themselves.

I will vote for Noynoy because he is not the messiah everybody else claims to be. He does not promise the end of poverty. He might not have the intelligence of Gibo and the executive skills of Gordon, but by the looks of his Senatorial Slate, he will most likely surround himself with people who are both intelligent and good-hearted.

I will vote for Noynoy because he knows he alone won't fix our problems. After 14 presidencies, I think it's time for all Filipinos to cease looking for the single-person solution. Judging by how his campaign has been run, he will get everyone involved in the rebuilding of our nation.

In his campaign, Noynoy says that "kayo ang aking lakas." I think a Noynoy presidency is the real fulfillment of people power, OUR power, one that aims not to simply replace presidents, but one that promises to change mindsets and attitudes, correct national bad habits, and give us people the freedom to shape the country we want and deserve. Noynoy will not allow us to take the back seat not because he is lazy, but because this is OUR country also.

I will vote for Noynoy on Monday because I can, will, and choose to do something for my country.

* * *

[The post scripts are answers to particular questions in the comments. The questions answered here are those that I find crucial and legitimate, but were not addressed in my original note.

Please know that I never found offense in any of the questions; in fact, I am happy that we think about this election so much. At least we can assure our country that our generation is one of smart voters.]

On Noynoy running on Cory Magic

While I think that Noynoy is really (in part) running on his parents' name, I also don't want to underestimate the value of character and good upbringing, which I trust he has, given that both of his parents were widely-respected public servants.

"Based on your article, even my dad can fit your qualifications [i.e. average, non-presidential, won't fix our problems] for being the president of 90 million people."

Well, maybe your dad can be president. What I find great about Noynoy's candidacy is not so much that he promises to be the best president ever (with the best skills and talents), but that he promises to let us sit on the decision table.

The reason why I was never moved by the candidacies of his rivals was it was about 'them': it was about Gibo's skills, or Gordon's experience, or Villar's rags-to-riches story. On the other hand, Noynoy's candidacy is about us. "Kayo ang aming lakas," he said. Whether or not you believe it, he is the only presidential candidate of this election who persistently used a campaign slogan of that nature -- Gibo was "Galing at Talino," Villar was "Sipag at Tiyaga," but Noynoy's ads always ended with a re-commitment to the people. He is the only one who's candidacy has always been about what WE can do as a people united, and NOT so much about what HE can do as president. I guess I'd want that kind of leader (one who reaches out, one who listens, one who is human, one who does not claim unity but WILL WORK for unity) more than a single-person solution.

Maybe, deep inside, the real reason why I'm voting for Noynoy is he gives the presidency its 'human' aspect, or that he makes me feel I can be president also. And in a country with countless challenges, maybe everyone should see himself as a mini-president.

To the guy who wrote this article, hats off to you.

I am a COLLEGE FRESHMAN. Wow!

2010-05-08T16:01:00.003+08:00

My schedule for the first sem. WHOO! A lot of people have commented that my schedule's so light, and I'm not sure if it's a good thing or bad thing. :)) Buuuut, at least I don't have to worry too much for the first sem! :-bd

I think I'm going to enjoy my subjects ~~(save for Physics! :|)~~, since they seem all so interesting. I have Biology, 2 Social Sciences, and Communication (labeled as SC). And as for my PE...we were asked to choose our PE subject that wouldn't create any conflict with the schedule, and the only one that fit was Cheerleading. Oh joy =)) I'm not exactly sure if I should be happy about this because I get to go all Cheerios, or if I should scream in horror since I'm not exactly your greatest dancer. :P Oh well. :))

Iskolar ng ~~Baguio~~ Bayan. :>

sigh.

2010-05-07T19:04:00.002+08:00

Okay. confession time. If there's one thing that I want--or need to change about myself, it's that I'm easily threatened. When someone's better than me at something, or looks prettier than me, or is smarter than me, I sweat a little -- or at least I feel like I'm sweating-- and I just gape in admiration and hoping I could be as blessed in that certain field that person is gifted with, or at.

These are the times I thank myself for buying Sen. Chiz's autobiography, if there's one thing he's taught me, it's that people are made differently. I have to recognize that I am different from the next person, and this is how I was made. So I guess somehow, that reflex reaction "She's prettier/smarter/sexier/nicer/got bigger boobs than me" has turned into somewhat positive, and I'm more appreciative of people's different assets.

But I guess there will come a point in a person's life, specifically one in a relationship where he, or she, will feel threatened. Sometimes it's not about who's got the better skin, or who can skate or sing or dance better than I do...you get the drift. There's that feeling that you love this someone, and this someone turns out to have a certain person in his life that knows him the way I don't, and has gone through thick and thin with him in what I only hear as stories about reminiscing the past. You're happy for him, you really are, and you don't ever plan on taking that happiness away, but your stomach churns at the idea that probably, just probably, creme brulee isn't enough. (Movie reference. HAH. I kill myself :P ) But don't get me wrong, I don't plan on turning into a psychotic girl anytime soon who's too overbearing and shit. I think it's a normal thing to happen in relationship that one gets threatened once in a while-- what's abnormal about it is if you choose to handle it irresponsibly.

As for me? I'll just probably leave it all to faith. My cousin told me last night, Love is a will, not a feeling. A will, because both of you work at things to make the love even stronger. Because if it is a feeling, and only a feeling, like a shooting star, it will just fleet. I guess many will agree with me on the notion that love is stronger than any other feeling.

Like what Sen. Chiz taught me (funny how a politician can guide me about teenage problems), I'm just going to have to accept that I'm different, and that person is made differently, and this someone loves me for who I am-- despite being short, neurotic, and just plain clueless at times. :P

.....nevermind. I'm not making any sense here. =)) I just needed to blow off some steam.

2010-03-19T12:54:00.002+08:00

alam mo yung feeling na sa sobrang dami mong problema sa sarili mo at sa ibang tao, naubusan ka na ng taong makakausap, at wala ka nang ibang choice kundi magmukmok, magmasid. mag-isip. at magblog.

pero, hindi kaya palitan ng isang website ang yakap ng isang tao. ang pasensya ng isang nagmamahal sayo. ang pagkalinga, at ang pakikinig ng kaibigan. pero, feeling ko, wala ring makakaintindi sakin. god I feel so homicidal/***cidal.

sometimes I wish the world would just stop, until I clear my head. it's just so fcking unfair.

sorry. ang emo pala ng post ko. hindi ako scene kid ha. but this just made me realize how sad my life is.

[/rant]

you know what I hate?

2010-03-05T23:30:00.003+08:00

I know I'm probably gonna get a lot of flak for this, but I just want to be able to express myself here. I'm not trying to unleash any hate or disdain on anyone, I just feel like expressing my strong opinions towards some stuff.

I'm not hating on people from exclusive schools-- I believe they're greatly privileged to study in such, and that there's definitely no shame in coming from an upbringing greatly blessed. And by all means, they have the prerogative to take that in pride. But to clearly distinguish themselves from others, and worse, to diss on people who do not "belong", so to speak, is a completely different story.

Wala lang. I just hate it eh, lalo na when these people, galing sa provinces, tapos pagpunta sa Manila, ibang iba na. Ako, probinsyana ako, and I'm proud to be one. I try to make a difference in lifting the stereotype of people coming from the provinces na promdi, jologs, ganyan. Simply because I want to show that money does not necessarily equal class. Living in an urban environment doesn't make you any better. Decency does. A set of morals does. Nakakainis lang yung stereotype that when you're from the province, yung stereotype sayo is "jologs", "promdi". Maybe one thing I like about coming from the province is the innate simplicity. You feel so humbled. Not that people from the city aren't, but some people can get on my nerves.

Like my earlier example. Someone coming from the province-- from a decent family, a decent school, with utmost simplicity goes to an exclusive school for college, then suddenly when he comes back, he goes around thinking he's better than everyone else, and that he's cooler, so to speak. I definitely have nothing against people adapting to the ways of life once they go to a different place. Adapt their taste, fashion, by all means go ahead! But to come back and diss the people he once called friends, because he's "different" than them now, deserves a punch in the face. Para magtanda.

Then another thing is elitism. Friends of mine will know that I disdain elitism. Of course, it's human nature to put ourselves in societal classes, and to want the finer things in life, but at the end of the day, we're all equal aren't we? I don't want to be a hypocrite, of course I will have my share of likes and dislikes, and every now and then I will label my dislikes as "jologs", but I won't group people the way I group my interests. Like in Facebook, the groups that promote elitism. There's this group that disses on people that do sTiCkY cApS, and by all means I won't stop them. Actually I'm even a member of that group, because I dislike people who use that kind of style in typing or texting. It's tacky and hard to read. But then seeing some of the posts on there infuriated me. Like the expression "BV". Sure, it started in Manila, but even I have heard of it. But then, that's because I spend a lot of my time online talking to different people so I pick up a lot of phrases and expressions. But some people don't know what it means, when it's only a variation of the expression "badtrip". Tapos yung iba naman doon, "Puta, kung hindi alam yung expression na BV, alam na! Mga aJejE din yan, mga taga-probinsya!" I mean, WTF. :| Just because you don't know ONE FREAKING EXPRESSION doesn't give you the right to judge one's character. Syempre, may iba-ibang regions, just like there are different dialects, so chances are one's mannerisms and actions in one place won't be the same in another. And again, the stereotyping. LAHAT BA NG JOLOGS, MAHAHANAP SA PROBINSYA? Please naman, kahit sa Manila, meron din yan. Wag kayong hipokrito. And yes, I still dislike sTiCkY cApS. But I've learned not to judge people because of it. Dahil galing ako sa probinsya, marami akong kilalang ganyan. But once you get to know them outside of texting (aka in real life), you'll find out that they're just like you and me. Nagkakatalo lang sa texting style.

I have a lot to rant. Pero wag nalang. =)) Like I said, I'm totally NOT hating on exclusive schools, and I'm definitely not generalizing people here. I'm just talking about certain people who act that way. Nakaka-BV lang, how some people can be so narrow-minded. (uy wow, alam ko yung word. HAHA.) In fact, my heart belongs to a Lasallian. :">

Rant over.

My Name is Lyn Lyn :))

2010-03-04T18:24:00.002+08:00

We all have stories to tell. Well, have you ever wondered about what kwento your OPM-loving, chismis-bound manang helper would tell about her life, much less in the form of a blog?

Well, I’m proud to say that there’s a new site on the blogosphere, called My Name is Lyn Lyn. It chronicles the misadventures of Lyn Lyn, a 32-year-old helper who works for an upper middle class family. The site is still new, so far there are only two posts, but they’re hilarious. And I’m pretty sure there’s still more to come.

I actually know Lyn Lyn. :)) She’s the helper of a friend of mine. And I just thought advertising this blog would be fun. She reminds me of Chona, actually. A lot. :P

Here’s the link!

http://www.mynameislynlyn.blogspot.com

I advertised this on Tumblr too. Wala lang. :P

open house afterthoughts.

2010-02-28T22:37:00.003+08:00

So as some of you may have known, I attended the Ateneo JGSOM Open House today. And while I'm definitely more enlightened about my course, as well as what JGSOM has to offer prospective freshmen like me, it just made the "elimination process" so to speak, a little more difficult.

I like their approach, how they really make you feel like you belong, and how qualifying for JGSOM makes you somewhat special (I'm NOT saying that Ateneo students from other college's aren't, I guess it's just their style of letting incoming freshmen feel more welcome). Dean Ang was effervescent, dynamic, witty, and definitely charismatic, so the plenary introduction just became a lot more interesting. It made me feel like I want to be taken under his wing, because he was just that intelligent, I guess. The feeling of, "I want to be like these people!" just exuded through me.

I also enjoyed the demo classes and the course orientation (I took up Law and Marketing for the demo classes; I was supposed to go for Legal Management and Comtech Management for the course orientations, in case I probably wanted to shift to Legal Management, but I ditched the former anyway and just attended Comtech, because my mom was getting restless, and both of us were hungry).

More than that, I really took Dean Ang's words to heart. The matter of choosing a school, or a program, he said (and I'm just paraphrasing here; it's not like I have a photographic memory), wasn't a matter of what was prestigious, but by asking yourself (myself, apparently) three questions -- who you are today; who you want to be in the next 4-5 years; and what school would best help you reach your dreams. It might have just been clever propaganda or whatnot, but he didn't dismiss the possibility that your ideal school might not be Ateneo. He said that the best school for you may not be the best school for the person beside you, because we all have our own talents and strengths.

Since I was with my parents, my mom and my dad didn't really have much of a clue what Communications Technology Management was all about. My mom was like, "Baka naman sa call center bagsak mo niyan!" because of what the name suggested (No offense meant to people who work in call centers), and thought that it was more of IT (which was technically, half-correct). My dad thought it was just a fancier version of Mass Communication (also half-correct). And I myself, wanted to know exactly all about this course I had passed. (Funny, right? Well, Tita Daisy recommended I go for this course instead of AB Comm when I filled out my application form for Ateneo last year, plus I jokingly told my friends that I applied for this because JGSOM is the best building in Ateneo.) So my mom whispered to me during the talk and asked me, "Your dad's wondering why you didn't go for Journalism", since they found out that my course was strictly speaking, a management course. I just shrugged my shoulders, but I have to say, they seemed pretty enticed about the whole JGSOM deal.

After the talk, my mom asked me "Magm-management ka? May business acumen ka ba?" since it's really no secret that Jonathan's the really business-inclined in the family. Ever since we were little kids, it's already been evident in him that he inherited my lolo's "gift" for money-making. Plus he really wants to take up business related courses, having passed Interdisciplinary Business Studies in DLSU. I kind of thought about that after my mom said that. I've never really seriously considered business or careers similar in nature (though it's kind of in the blood, along with medicine), until I passed Comtech Management in Ateneo. But to think about it, the program that Comtech Management offers basically sums up my interests-- communication, technology, and err-- management? =)) Plus, I used to complain about my NCAE results, which gave me Analytical, and Artistic. I was arguing that I should have gotten Social, which was something I got very high in (probably third, I'm guessing? but they don't put the third result in). To think about it, business requires analysis. And creativity is heavily required to create innovations in business. And I don't need the NCAE to know I'm a social person. :P And when Dean Ang was giving the lowdown on their programs, two courses that really caught my attention were BS Management-Honors, and BS Comtech. Communications Technology Management also suits the career lineage I'm inclined to -- Advertising, Marketing, and Communications.

During the program orientation as well, the program director observed that "artistas" take their courses, such as Quark Henares, Karylle, and Miguel Escueta, because the course is related to AB Communication, but are forced to transfer because of pressure from parents for a more practical course. Kind of sounds like me, heh. Sans the fact that I'm a celebrity (I WISH. HAHA).

Seems like a done deal, right? But I just feel scared, scared that I would even excel in this. What if I don't succeed? And while I'm not exactly comfortable with the idea of going abroad, I know that I have to. Would I get a decent job when I'm abroad? If I were an ME or Management-Honors student, most likely, but with Comtech? I'm not so sure. When they showed the video of their many graduates who had gone abroad with stable jobs, most of them I observed, were Management Engineering and Management-Honors graduates.

Ohhhh the choices. Decision-making time. Damnit.

Blurbs.

2010-02-26T17:02:00.003+08:00

I HAVE PIMPLES. and not just one little zit, but I broke out. :| And I have this one huge pimple sitting on my cheek, and it pisses me off. I'm resisting the urge not to scrape it off. The bad thing is, a lot of people have noticed that I've been breaking out. And I am in the process of finding a solution to kissing these goodbye once and for all. CLEAR SKIN, PLEASE.

I really envy people who have clear skin, and whose face isn't prone to pimples. The thing is, my skin isn't exactly oily, nor is it really acne-prone, but for some reason I have them. My mom blames them on my bangs. And my unhealthy sleeping habits. (I'm a reform in progress, hellooo. I'm trying to sleep earlier. :P ) But I digress....

I think it's time to change my layout, don't you think? :P The thing is, I'm looking for layouts that will allow comments (I really do love comments!) And I know that there's that code that supposedly allows comments with custom skins, but it wouldn't darn work. :( But I'd hate to lose my hits counter, and my cute "About Me" corner on the right side of my blog. :P

7 months :)

2010-02-26T16:39:00.002+08:00

One sunny, seemingly mundane morning, I woke up to the realization that it's been 7 months since the cab ride on the night of July 25th, 2009. :) And we're three months shy of going into a year. My friends told me that parang ang tagal na daw namin na hindi. That they feel like we've been together longer than 7 months, and that it took too long for us to reach 7 months, but at the same time, it only feels like yesterday when we first met.

I watched the movie Miss You Like Crazy the day before yesterday, and I realized that there isn't a universal way to fall in love. That people could be together for so long, yet fall apart, and how two people could only know each other for a short time yet can have that unsettling yet warm feeling that they share something truly special.

While it would be practical to get to know a person first before jumping into things out of impulse, sometimes there's just no denying true chemistry. As tangled and complicated as I was when I first met him, I definitely knew that there was something special, something out of the moment, that even if I had fallen deeply in love before, was something knew to me. The funny thing about it was it was something new, yet something completely familiar. And at that moment, underneath the summer night sky, I felt like I could fall into a pool on my back-- trust in spite of the uncertainty.

One thing I learned from him is that I should never have to settle for less-- that we all deserve at least a shot at real love.

So here's to 7 months of not having to settle for less, baby. :) And yes I know I'm cheesy, but I don't care. :P I love you! :*

SWEET SIXTEEN! :)

2010-02-23T19:45:00.004+08:00

So hurrah! My blog is back! :D In the past, I've suffered epic blog failure...I couldn't log in for some reason. But now it's working again, so yay! :)

Today is the day I, my twin brother Jonathan (and Dakota Fanning as well, psh :P) turn 16! :) Meh, so I know I'm not exactly "old" old, since everyone I know is turning 17 or 18, but hey it means a lot! For one, I'm old enough to get a student's permit (though I have yet to learn how to drive....BV. :| ), old enough to have a boyfriend without excuses (none of that "BUT YOU'RE TOO YOUNG!" crap =)) ), and old enough to...I'll think of more later. :P Today's the day sixteen years ago, some epic fraternal twins were born in Manhattan, New York, sometime 11AM (which would really make my birthday on February 24...interesting. I have two birthdays =)) which would make me technically 17 then? LAWLS :P )

So I celebrated the first few minutes of my sixteenth birthday by talking to Mark on the phone. We were on the phone even before, and he just kept going on and on and on, when I suddenly told him, "It's 12." Well technically, it was around 12:10, and I already got my first greeting from Julia. Then he sang to me. HE SANG! :"> Something I've been bugging him for a long time; he kept telling me that his throat hurt (which was probably true, because he was having on-off coughs)....and he risked his throat condition to sing me a birthday song. (I should have recorded it, really. It was so adorable.) For some really weird and unknown reason, I bawled my eyes out. I just love him so much, and even if he couldn't come for my actual birthday, he made me feel like he was really there on that special day. Did I mention that I love him? :D

In the morning, I went to school, naturally. It was just pretty much an average day, people greeting me whenever sasabihin ko na "BIRTHDAY KO! BATIIN NIYO KO!" or when people remembered. :P Overall it was a good day, nothing special really, but I was happy. Then I invited my classmates and batchmates to a get-together at home. Masaya naman! :D

The thing is, Justine and I are the infamous surprise planners in our barkada, meaning whenever it was anyone's birthday in our barkada, we plan the surprise. :D It started with me actually (I'm so generous, hahaha), when I planned a small sweet sixteen for her last year. It failed a little, because the element of surprise was lost (her mom wouldn't allow her to go out, and I had to tell her in front of Justine that we planned a surprise party for her), but it was all good. :) Since then, we made epic surprises for our friends. :))

My friends genuinely almost forgot about my birthday, so I wasn't expecting anything from them. I went home with few of my friends. I decided to change into a dress, particularly the little black dress Mark gave to me, but then the blemishes on my back were showing, so much as I hated to change out of it, I chose a different dress. Then I noticed that two of my friends were missing, but I didn't think too much of it when we went home. Then Chiquet led me out and.....tada! A fishball cart was outside our house! With a cartolina that read "Happy Birthday Sam and Nathan!" At first I didn't react that well, because it didn't really sink in me that they planned this....it was more like "Oh hey, there's a fishball cart in front of my house with a banner on it." Then when they said, "AYAN LANG ANG REACTION MO?! :|" then I stupidly remarked, "Ay, galing ba yan sa inyo?!" did it sink into me. :D YAY! I hugged them tightly and grinned. :D It's a little shallow, but my friends know my love for fishballs. :D

I had to remind everyone not to eat too much fishballs, because we had food inside the house. Then we had to blow our candles like little kids. :)) I was starting the birthday song by singing it myself, then my friends laughed at me because I seemed desperate. =)) My birthday candles were already lit and I had to wait for everyone to gather, and they were melting really fast. But at least I got to blow them in time. :P

DEVIL FACE FTW. =))

We had fun. :) We spent the hours hanging out in my and Jonathan's room, where a group of my guy friends did a video of Love Drunk, which was just really retarded, in a hilarious way. :P We also took some fun shots on my computer to kill time.

To everyone who greeted me on my birthday, thank you so much! :)

Okay, I'm thinking of graduation songs.

2010-01-28T16:04:00.002+08:00

I'm thinking of graduation songs for our graduation...so far we've come up with Keep Holding On, which was by the way something I thought of 3 years ago, but I thought that by the time I was a senior, it would have been a not-so-great choice...but thanks to Glee, it is now. :D My classmate thought of this, and while it's a great choice, I feel like there could be something better. From what I've heard from my teacher, we're allowed to sing two songs, so we thought, one could be about the typical "spread-your-wings" crap, and the other...just about friendship and togetherness. :D

Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield

A GREAT SONG, plus the lyrics are really appropriate. However, I'm concerned about the guys, it might be a little too erm, gay for them? :))

Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) - Green Day

Pretty much an okay compromise-- it's not cheesy, yet the lyrics are dead on. But it just feels a little too simple.

As for friendship songs, here's what I've thought (And just in case you were looking for Graduation by Vitamin C on this list....not gonna happen, sorry. :P much as the song's good, it's too overused and cliche.)

Someone To Fall Back On - Bandslam soundtrack

So the song isn't that popular....but it's got a listenable beat, really honest lyrics, which go for, epic friendship song that isn't really cheesy or cliche. I did my research, and it's actually a song cover. wala lang. :P

Rainbow - Southborder

Great song about life, friendship, it's mellow without going borderline cheesy...but the song was used in a graduation 6 years ago, so :))

Keep on Movin' - 5ive

A friend of mine wanted an upbeat friendship song.... it's infectious, cheesy and upbeat-- request fulfilled. :P

Once again, I'm bored. :))

Time for me to make a choice.

2010-01-18T17:18:00.003+08:00

So as you might all know...all of the exams from the top 4 universities -- UP, Ateneo, La Salle, UST have all come out. And with God's blessing, I passed all 4 of them. After rejoicing for quite some time....the ecstasy wore out and reality sunk in. I still have to make a choice. What's more is, there's a deadline.

It's no secret that Ateneo is my love. The mere fact that I passed Ateneo, even if it wasn't an Honors program is something I'm truly proud of. A great fulfillment. I never expected to pass Ateneo, to be honest. Of course, there was nothing wrong with trying, which is why I applied for financial aid as well. (Heaven knows we cannot shoulder the expenses easily, I have a twin brother who's also entering college as a freshman.) While I did pass the ACET, I didn't qualify for the financial aid. I told myself...if I pass UP Diliman, it would be much easier to give up Ateneo. Though I did pass UPCAT, I got into UP Baguio, and I really have no plans of staying in Baguio. :| I'm not trying to offend anyone here, I just want to clarify! Baguio's so far, and I was just really hoping of studying in Manila. I kind of feel that I really am meant to get in Ateneo....the only problem is the financial aspect.

As for UP, it's a great university. The premier state university of the country. Who wouldn't want to get into UP? I passed UP Baguio. I kind of wish I applied for Los Banos instead of Baguio, but I guess it's all good. At least I still passed. :D I was contemplating of applying for a move to Los Banos, in case I don't qualify for Diliman, the only problems are...from Bataan, it's a little farther compared to Baguio, and while I have several courses in mind there, there aren't any courses available which my parents would approve of.

UST is the school of choice for my parents, if I don't get into UP. I passed Pharmacy there. Great course. The only thing is, I didn't choose Pharmacy. My parents did. And though I did pass, it isn't really my inclination. At least UST is cheaper compared to most of the other universities I applied for, except for UP. My parents want me to take up Pharmacy, just so I can get a stable job abroad. While it's a practical act, I believe that if you pursue something you have no interest in, you will not reach your fullest potential. Plus, to give up Ateneo in favor of UST? Please do not misunderstand, I have nothing against UST, I believe for what it's worth, it's a great university, it's also prestigious. It's just that, the opportunity is already there. The privilege of getting in Ateneo is an achievement in itself. And if I let it pass, sayang. Sayang na sayang.

La Salle is a bankable university. I have great respect for De La Salle university. The problem is, like in Ateneo, the tuition fee is too expensive. My brother will most likely end up in La Salle, so to enroll two La Sallian freshies at once....expensive.

Buti pa ang mga iba, paglabas ng results, decided na. Ako, I have to make the right choice. It needs to be something worth compromising over. Haaayy, if only I could get a generous benefactor to shoulder my Ateneo expenses... *asa naman :P*

UP. ISKA. WOO. :>

2010-01-18T17:10:00.003+08:00

Another one, Lord. Thank you. :) Even if it's not Diliman, it's more than I could ask for. After everything you have blessed me with...I am content. Thank you. The mere fact that I passed the Big 4-- is an outstanding achievement by itself. Thank you God. :)

OHMIGOD I PASSED ATENEO

2010-01-16T21:18:00.003+08:00

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I PASSED ATENEO! FREAKING ATENEO DE MANILA UNIVERSITY. THIS IS LIKE, A DREAM COME TRUE. I WAS LITERALLY FREAKING OUT WHEN I SAW MY NAME. JUST....OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.

So it's not a Top 15% course ha, sorry naman. :| but still, passed=passed. With a P. :>

Thank you once again God, for giving me this blessing. :) It's such a great fulfillment...I worked hard for this. :) UP nalang. :)

BS Communications Technology Management. Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam. ONE BIG FIGHT. :)

casting Hush Hush. :))

2010-01-12T17:23:00.005+08:00

So basically this is just some stupid blog from my imagination...Mark gave me Hush Hush for Christmas...and it's actually pretty good. :) Kind of like a darker, more complex Twilight. (sorry for the comparison, I really couldn't help it. :P ) All said though, my loyalty still lies with the vampires. :> But that doesn't mean I can't like/love Hush Hush right? :D After all, I love the person who gave me the book. :"> (warning: extremely long post because of actor choices and photos)

So I lent my friend Justine Hush, Hush and she loved it too, and Chiquet read the book as well, so we decided to cast our dream cast for Hush Hush. But most of these ideas I'll be posting below are mostly mine, so :)) Characters' names are in bold, while the actor/actress choices are below them, with respective pictures. :">

Patch Cipriano - your tall, dark, and handsome mysterious bad boy who's really a.....spoiler spared for those who haven't read it yet. :P *and I'm thinking that's a lot so far. :))* possible choices:

Steven Strait

Hands down, it's a unanimous decision among my friends. We were already depressed enough when Steven Strait wasn't cast as Jacob (though we're definitely not complaining about Taylor Lautner :P ), so I hope producers in the future consider him! :P

Matt Lanter

Okay, definitely second-best choice from Steven Strait. I'd actually say he'd be perfect for Patch, if we weren't so loyal to Steven Strait. :)) He's got that devilishly handsome persona going for him, and he looks mischevious yet lovable. GAH. Steven would just be an edge from this guy because he's: 1.)three years younger (though it's not even obvious :P) 2.) tanner (Patch isn't pale like Edward is) 3.) a better actor (from what I've heard, plus Steven has the more credible background...for one, I don't watch 90210 because I think it's cheesy :P)

Nora Grey - the heroine of the story. According to the book, she is "a smokey-eyed brunette with volumes of curly hair that holds its own against even with the best flatiron, and long legs like a bar stool." Basically, Bella but less clumsier. :P oh, and her hair has the sliiiightest bit of auburn. :))

Emmy Rossum

Basically almost how I imagined Nora. Wise-looking and elegant, yet has that streak of normalcy in her. But, there's just something off-looking about Emmy Rossum at times, and I think she looks a bit more mature than your average 16-year-old, plus looks a little tough at times.

Emma Roberts

Physically, she has that down-to-earth beauty, plus she's like a sweeter and younger-looking version of Emmy Rossum. However, I'm not so much a fan of her and her work on Nick, but I have to admit, her acting has improved a lot from Aquamarine to the last time I saw her on Wild Child.

Mary Elizabeth Winstead

She looks streetsmart, sassy, sweet and she's beautiful...but I doubt she'll pass as a 16-year-old. 18, maybe, but not 16. :P and I'm very particular about this, because I'm turning 16 in a month, and she doesn't look anything like my age. :)) (but that's just maybe because I look younger.. :P ) Plus, she's done Maxim covers so I don't think she'll want to play a teenager anymore. BTW, she was the bad girl in Sky High, and Bruce Willis' daughter in Die Hard 4.

Lucy Hale

My latest Nora discovery. I actually think she'll be perfect! She's on Privileged, and guested on Wizards of Waverly Place a few times. She can pass for the age, she looks smart, she's stunning, has smoky eyes and gorgeous legs I presume, plus she looks great with wavy/curly hair AND is a talented actress...I think we have our Nora. *nods* :D

Dabria - Patch's psychotic ex-girlfriend/*insertnameofcreaturehereincaseyouhaven'treadthebookyet* who wants him back. And like all psychotic bitch exes, she's insanely beautiful. I kind of remember her being described as a blonde with really straight hair, so I'll go and take a whack at this.

Laura Ramsey

She was with Steven Straight in the Covenant. Basically I'm rooting for her because she has that deceiving look about her, she can pass for angelic yet totally sinister. And she's hot when she does it. :))

Dianna Agron

Okay, I'll admit, I'm biased. I love Dianna. :P She's heartachingly beautiful, I kind of want to cry because she's so prettier than I am. =)) She's sweet in real life. But I think she can do psychotic mean, well she's already clever mean on Glee. :P She's one of the better actresses on the show. I love her classic beauty, and personally I'd want her recast in place of Nikki Reed as Rosalie on Twilight. But we all know that's not gonna happen. :P

Vee Sky - Nora's BFF for life, her "un-twin". They're a little different in personality, as Vee's more outgoing and is easily into boys, and they look totally different on the outside. Vee is blonde-ish and has a tall and womanly figure. She's a little more irrational than Nora is, and she's mostly happy-go-lucky.

Whitney Thompson

She's from America's Next Top Model, the first full-figured model to win the show. While she's got it physically, I'm a little apprehensive about her acting skills, and if she could pass for 16.

Bailey Hanks

She was the winner of MTV's Legally Blonde the Musical: The Search for the Next Elle Woods, replacing Laura Belle Bundy as Elle in LBTM before it ended its run on Broadway. Safe to say since she was in Legally Blonde, we may not have problems about her acting, and she's only 22 so maybe she could still pass for a teenager? :P

Elliott - a transferee in Nora's high school from a prestigious prep school uptown, apparently because he lost his scholarship. He develops a crush on Nora, and while Nora shows signs of attraction at first, these are quickly quenched by her developing attachment to Patch. Blonde, handsome and friendly. :D

Alex Pettyfer

He wouldn't be my first choice...personally I think Trevor Donovan from 90210 fits the bill a lot more, but I think he's too old. Plus, I think Elliott should be able to rival Patch effectively like how Jacob rivals Edward in Twilight, so I think Alex would be a bankable option. Then again...he can go for Jules too, he's got that brooding thing going... :P

Steven R. McQueen

I know Elliott is supposed to be blonde, but I think Steven gives off that boy-next-door aura, plus I think he can do dirty blonde anyway. (Well, it's STILL blonde. :P ) And if not, he can always go for Jules.

Lucas Grabeel

I know....what's a guy from High School Musical doing here? :P But Lucas is probably the best actor out of all of them, and he doesn't actually associate himself with Disney. Plus, he can exude that all-American, boy-next-door persona. And he's blond! :P

Jules - Elliott's friend from Kingstown Prep. He's rich, mysterious and brooding. Also, he's tall.

Nicholas Braun

Basically how I imagined Jules to be, only less douchey-looking. Plus, he's usually a comedy actor, so hopefully he could pull off brooding.

Adam Gregory

I'm not so familiar with his work, other than he's on 90210, but he pretty much could pass for Jules, even with his height (6'2"!)

So I'm done! whew. Gimme a break, I just had a bad test on Chemistry, and I had to destress myself. :P Physics, wag ka naaaaa. :|

And you won't bring me down. :)

2010-01-08T16:35:00.000+08:00

Title is a reference to Defying Gravity, one of my most favorite songs on Broadway. :)

It's like listening to the future Elphaba. :">

But that doesn't go to say that I didn't enjoy Chris Colfer's version too, it was actually pretty ~~good~~ amazing. :) But I'm rooting for Lea Michele to be Elphaba in the film adaptation of the musical Wicked. :P I'd love Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth to star in it, but we all know it's impossible. :( So Lea Michele would be a great choice! Aside from her resemblance to Idina Menzel, the original Elphaba, she's a ~~kickass~~ really good singer, and relatively fresh to play Elphaba. :P

*sorry, I'm being a geek again...*

Aaaaanywho. I did NOT plan on graduating high school with enemies. But this week, just....ugh. But everything's resolved now...I think. We're--I specifically-- not looking for enemies or petty inter-school wars. We're not that shallow. :P Anyway, I'm trying to clear my happy place, so I hope everyone's happy and okay, and we can all move on. :)

Happy place, happy place, happy place. I'm only thinking of you. :) and the 10 things you told me to think about. :"> they work, mister. :)

I took my exams for one week. SABAAAAAAWW. :| :| and the worst thing is I'm going to have to catch up again next week on the topics I missed, plus I have to take up Chem and Physics. Pwede bang i-wish away nalang yung mga subjects na yun? =))

hayy. :))

thank you Superman :D

2010-01-04T16:11:00.002+08:00

Mark gave me a dress. :"> and also another blouse, but I don't have a picture of it yet. :P

I look fat, ugh I know. :| I had a big lunch and dinner :)) We had a lot of events during that day so....HUGE BELLY ALERT! =))

Thank you Superman though, for the gift. :) I really appreciate it. :D

The bitch of living....and some other things. :P

2010-01-04T15:13:00.002+08:00

First off....I have tumblr! :P But no worries, I won't leave Blogger for Tumblr. :P Tumblr basically serves the purpose of thwarting pure boredom, when I just feel like spamming or blurbing without feeling like I've wasted a lot of space. My main blogging purpose still remains on Blogger. :) here's the link, if you want to check it out, I haven't had the time to fix it yet since I'm still getting the hang of things:

http://www.istoleyouryellowporsche.tumblr.com

And yes, if anyone asks, my url is an Eclipse reference. :P

Aaaand I want to share my newest indulgement!

My title isn't the start of a page-long rant, no worries. It's simply a reference to the musical, Spring Awakening. Now I've heard of Spring Awakening a long way back, it's just that I never had the time to listen to the songs, though I knew fairly well about the story. To put it simply, it's Romeo and Juliet with sex. Only Romeo doesn't die. :o shocker. The Broadway musical is actually an adaptation of an 1891 German controversial play by Frank Wedekind. Apparently the original play was banned for almost a century because of its portrayal of sexual themes, abuse and suicide. It was after all in the 1890's...who can blame them? :P

I got so interested about it after looking up Glee on the internet...after all, when I search for one thing, I always end up finding something totally new. :P Then I ended up with Spring Awakening, sometime during my Googling. Lea Michele, who plays Rachel Berry on Glee, actually originated the starring role of Wendla in Spring Awakening. Then, curious, I looked up the music. AND IT'S ~~SEXX~~ LOVEEEE. <3 :))

For one, my first exposure to rock musicals was Rent, my all-time favorite, but Spring Awakening...it caught the very angst of modern rock, and most of the music pretty much resembles today's rock, soooo hats off for that. :D I'd actually recommend the music to people who aren't much of musical fans, kind of like a taste of good musical theatre....just in case they thought musical theatre=HSM. :)) SA's music speaks more to my generation, people my age, which is just awesome. :D

I want to know more about the story of the musical itself though, reading the plot on Wikipedia doesn't give it much justice. I hope they do an adaptation sometime here in the Philippines, after all it's just ended on Broadway and is now touring across the US. Maaan, why is that every musical I want to see on Broadway, end their runs before I actually get to see them? :( Except for Wicked. Heaven forbid that show ends.

SA....my newest indulgement. :P One of my favorite songs from them, The Bitch of Living:

I recommend you check out Totally Fucked as well...it's like Fountains of Wayne meets Broadway. :P

GREATNEW YEAR.

2010-01-02T02:55:00.003+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! :"> it's barely the 2nd day of 2010 and I already have GOOD news. :> :> :>

I PASSED DLSU!!!! :"> :"> OHHHH SWEET VICTORY. FIRST CHOICE PA. NAMAAAAAAAN. EPIC WIN! :D

3 more to come!!!!

I PASSED LA SALLE!!!!!IPASSED LA SALLE!!!!!
I PASSED LA SALLE!!!!!IPASSED LA SALLE!!!!!
I PASSED LA SALLE!!!!!IPASSED LA SALLE!!!!!
I PASSED LA SALLE!!!!!IPASSED LA SALLE!!!!!
I PASSED LA SALLE!!!!!IPASSED LA SALLE!!!!!
I PASSED LA SALLE!!!!!IPASSED LA SALLE!!!!!

I'mma stop hyperventilating now. AB International Studies, major in American Studies, FTW!! :>

kthxbai.

2009-12-19T17:23:00.002+08:00

So sorry, I haven't checked in in the longest time. A lot of things had just happened, which I really don't want to talk about. Or maybe I do, but I decided that my blog wasn't the right place for it.

Anyway....Mark surprised me with a visit yesterday. :D And I'm just glad that I got to see him again...but really the hardest part is saying goodbye, knowing that me just holding on to him can't always stay that way....he always has to go back. This is why I always take the time to look at him, just stare at him and remember every look, every smile, every touch....because I only have so much time to memorize them all, to replay them in my mind exactly how they happened. His apprentice this time was Chiquet, hahaha, I hated/loved her for that. :D we went to sing karaoke, and hang out afterwards. :P plus, Mark gave me a new book! :) I have been out of sync with books for a while, so when he gave me Hush, Hush I hadn't heard of it, though after looking it up, it's been a really anticipated book. I enjoyed it. :D Thank you, Superman. :)

I also just realized that this would be the last Christmas in BMSi. For the longest time, I wanted to get out of there for the sake of change in environment (I've been going there for 12 faithful years), but now that it's actually come, I'm going to miss school. :(

deeeeaaaaar blog.

2009-12-04T16:49:00.005+08:00

my worst nightmare has happened. :| nakakahiya aminin but....I'm no longer part of the top 10. and I'm in huuuuuge trouble for that. on the upside, my grades got higher, but not so drastically. but still. :-< physics + calculus = FAIL. also, last week I went out with Mark, and we watched New Moon. :D Meh, the movie itself was better than Twilight, but I guess I kind of expected better. I wish some scenes were done better, like the breakup scene, among others. But it was just really fun to be with Mark....even if Jillian tagged along. :| no privacy. =)))) ang ingay nga ata namin dun sa theater, even if there were ALOT of people. but I guess we weren't that much of a distraction anyway. Everyone there was "OMG Edward/Jacob! you're so HOTHOTHOT *drools*". well at least Jacob is getting more attention now. Last year everyone was gaga over Edward. :P Mark just kept on teasing me, while Jillian had to keep asking me questions to catch up on the movie. New Moon is hard to watch as a standalone film.

next week, I'm going to Gapan! it's the RSPC. RSPC NAAAAA :> I can't believe it. It feels like forever since I'd last gone to the Regionals, I don't know why I've been so detached. I'm just trying to think who I'm going to hang out with since I don't have any other classmates to be with, other than Jeno and Jana, and Jonathan....who would all probably hang out with other people. but okay lang, I guess. haha. :P chill parin. B-) I also hope to do well during the Regionals....it's my final year and I'm going to give it my all. I wish we could go to Cabanatuan though, even if it's far. :| I need to do some shopping. :"> and studying. :P

also, Chiquet and I finally finished the choreography! It's not a really great dance, it's actually quite simple. :P puro pa-cute. but we're still proud nonetheless. :> we worked hard (well, hard-ish :P ) on that dance, but we finished it in a day so HUZZAH. :D

I'm also kinda a little bit medyo grounded. I'm not even supposed to be online. :P but I guess it doesn't take effect yet since I'm not going to school for more than a week anyway. :)) the bad news is though, I've already got exams right after I come back, supposedly on 10, 11 and 14. and I have to finish them, if I don't want to be studying over Christmas break. :| but it's going to be hard to catch up, because right after, I have to take care of the English fest on the 16th, and my only options to take the exam before Christmas break is on 14, 15, and 16. :| I can't take my exams on English fest. :| :| crap.

but either way, I'm excited for Christmas. :) the next thing I know, it's already the 25th, though November 25th feels only like yesterday. :P I guess that's what they mean about the days being shorter during the end of the year. and I feel so anxious come January 2010, because the new year= entrance exams results. GAAAHHHHH =)) I just get nervous thinking about them. but I know I did my best anyway. :D

dear blog, I'll miss you. even if I don't update you as regularly as I used to. :P when I get back from groundation, I'll update. I swear. :>

ohhh friendster. I have way too much free time

2009-12-04T15:41:00.006+08:00

Once upon a time everyone was hooked on this little site called Friendster. That is, until everyone discovered the joys of Pet Society + Restaurant City + Farmville + better social networking strategy otherwise known as Facebook.

I haven't opened my Friendster in ages. The last time I did, was probably March this year, but even then I'd already moved to Multiply (until they had that shitty makeover which made it harder to use). But in December 2008, I'd already signed up for Facebook, the time when Pet Society was still slowly growing in popularity. I moved to other social networking sites and stayed away from Friendster for various reasons -- one, I had 1000+ friends, most of them accumulated during my elementary days, when "paramihan ng friends" was all the rage. Even those I didn't know, I added them, just so I could compete with my friends and classmates in the next school day, exclaiming, "ah, mas marami na yung friends ko sayo sa Friendster!" but then high school kicked in, you mature, and you realize....."WHY THE HELL DID I DO THIS?" because the next thing you know, random people are commenting on your profile, saying things like "hi cutie, can i get ur number?" and even at one point, lewd messages, which just drew the line for me. Second, Friendster wasn't about connecting with friends anymore...it became an epicenter for attention whoring, much like the Asian counterpart of what MySpace was to Americans. cliche and tasteless emo shots, even slutty ones, and tacky "shoutouts" were sprawled on the updates on my Friendster homepage. I'm not being snobbish, but really, who would want to visit a site with tons of updates all looking and sounding the same? Also, my inbox was piling up with spam, and so were the bulletin boards, which were just really used to spread chain messages and other pointless posts just to grab attention.

When I finally got the hang of Facebook, I started out with a few friends whom I knew personally, until I discovered that slowly but steadily, more of my friends and acquaintances were moving to Facebook, obviously for similar reasons. I have to admit, Facebook is clever, even if it's already being this "next big thing". For one, you can easily choose not to add people you don't know, and Facebook's functions are more personal. On people's pages, unlike in Friendster where the main attraction was the "About Me" page, which was just really an excuse for people to put various HTML and CSS graphics which just slowed down bandwidth, on Facebook you have walls. Walls are much more functional than Friendster's "comments/testimonials" page. For one, it's faster to reply to Walls, which make it easier for spontaneous conversation, while on Friendster you have to surf through pages just to reply to the person you're talking to. Plus the great thing about having Walls as the main function of the profile page makes it about interaction, and less about attention. Which, should really be the purpose of social networking in the first place.

Also, on the homepage, instead of just the usual updates, you have a news feed that actually works-- who commented on whom, what photo you're tagged in, who replied to your post. Facebook really makes it all about interaction, making it much more accessible to friends with friends, be it someone who hasn't seen a certain person in the longest time, or classmates who choose to bond over Facebook. The other great thing about Facebook is the apps. Admit it, every Facebook user has used an app. These applications are the great additional functions on Facebook, and what makes Facebook stand out among networking sites. They just make the Facebook experience a lot more fun, and allow variety when the typical Facebook routine starts to get tedious. Games, quizzes, etc.

I thought all was well, until I saw this.

*click to enlarge* Friendster has had a redesign, obviously to win loyal users back. I'm not sure if I should love or hate the new look-- the logo instead of looking all corporate, looks like a 5th grader drew it, though it's more colorful than the previous one, the image on the right. I personally think they're trying too hard. It doesn't end there.

And Friendster has the audacity to call Facebook boring. Sure, because their homepage is sooooo original. (Facebook ripoff, anyone?) The news feed, with the huge status box on top. They should have just put the updates on the upper right instead too. Apparently, they're all about Simple and Personal now, aka Facebook with more color. And more customizable. I would have probably enjoyed this a lot more if I were in gradeschool right now, but as someone whose taste has probably matured with age, it's easy to overlook the lack of CSS on Facebook--plus, it's cleaner to look at. I can customize my blogs after all, can't I? :P

so still, Facebook > the new Friendster. One whole redesign won't easily change that. Right now, I don't really see myself going back to Friendster. As I'd like to put it in jest, I've "moved on". :P

*waaaaayyy too much free time on my hands*

2009-11-26T18:13:00.001+08:00

My last day of being an only child and internet-less. >:) :))

yesterday.....one month before Christmas. <3>

extremely lethargic episode.

2009-11-21T20:50:00.002+08:00

So basically here's how I'm doing...I'm lying on my back, laptop on well, my lap, with literally no one to talk to and down with PMS. amidst random bedsheets sprawled around my little room, with other clutter just piling up, and it makes me feel almost claustrophobic (sp?). greeeeeaaaat. :))

just, as if the lethargy because of my period wasn't enough. everyone seems to be too busy to talk to me. :( hahaha, i'm such a drama queen. :P but whatever :)) i'm just not used to being so....quiet. :P you know how in the Sims, when your Sim's social level is low, they get lonely....and a social bunny appears out of nowhere to make you feel better? well....I'd rather have a social bunny beside me right now than no one. awwww. :(

but I digress....this is why I decided to blog, because of my boredom. :)) I just realized I haven't posted in like, forever, so I'll probably just do a recap of what's been happening to me in the past few weeks or so that I've been disconnected from the blogosphere.

1. Exams. ANG BABA KO SA PHYSICS SHET :(( don't tell my mom. I'm just honestly freaking out and just worried. gah. :|

2. Field trip. Meh, it wasn't the best, but I mean at least meron, right? :P the bonding was awesome. :D I think I just probably enjoyed the play the best, even better than the malling. bitin kasi. :| plus I got to see Mark, so that was fun. :)) kahit na short lang. :P

3. Norleen's birthday party. uhh ano ba? mas naenjoy ko yung band last year. :)) but hey at least fun, right? :D and I met some of her other friends, which was awesome. :D magoovernight dapat kami sa kanila, but I ended up in my own room with Nichelle. :P

wow, antamad ko magblog. :)) I think I'm gonna go watch Jennifer's Body out of pure boredom. :P

blogs in a nutshell.

2009-11-04T22:13:00.002+08:00

this shows how I truly, truly suck. :P I haven't posted in days, and now I'm making up by blogging in a nutshell things that have happened in the past days. and mind you I'm beating time, since I'm supposed to be asleep by 10:30, per boyfriend's ~~order~~ request. :P so just bear with me, because one of these days, babawi ako, promise. :))

1. Halloween. so basically may party sa school, Halloween. :)) funny thing is, I didn't prepare for a costume till like, 3 days before. :P this was partly because of katamaran, and that I was also sick. so I originally wanted to go as Glinda from Wicked...I had the white ballgown down pat, and all I needed was a decent-looking wand....but then I realized that comfot > fashion, since we'd be staying in the gym for hours. :)) sooooo I had Justine and Chiquet come over, and we frantically thought for ideas, till BAM! I thought, why don't I go as a ragdoll? :)) I had test makeup for days, trying to figure which one would be perfect. Then just after, I gave up. bahala na :))

So Halloween came. this was last Thursday, by the way. so I stopped by Justine's house, dress and all, when Chiquet brought me the dress I was really going to wear for the costume.....and it DID look nice. Perfect, if I may say so :"> then yun nga, dapat magddoll ako....like from ragdoll, I went to Victorian-era dolls (think Sara Crewe's dolls from A Little Princess)...when Justine did the makeup, then BAM! (again, haha :P ) I looked like Angelina! you know...Yaya and Angelina? :)) which I may say was much more fitting than trying to be a doll, which you know, looked awkward. :))

*pictures to come tomorrow, promise :P I'm beating time, really I am :)) in the meantime, you can check 'em on Facebook*

soooo yun, we had fun :)) tapos games in the afternoon....we played Show Me The Scene, where the host gives a scene and we have to act it out in ten seconds and freeze :P we won :> though crowd favorite ang 3rd year....thanks Tippi! :D pagbigyan na kami, graduating naman kami eh :"> hahaha labo :P pero suuuuuuper funn :))

2. Richard Poon concert. MYGADDS, this is LOOOOOOVE. <3 I really had fun this night...didn't expect it to be so entertaining. Plus, Richard Poon is a fine specimen to look at. ;) hahaha! :)) pero not only that, I didn't expect him to be so candid and eloquent. :D he handled the night finely, with his wit and interesting stories. His opening act was Krissy and Ericka, which funny enough, I've never heard of them till that night (I've been out of tune with MTV lately), but when they said their Youtube channel, I was like, "OH WAIT I KNOW THEM!" pero the last time I watched them, it was only Krissy singing, sooo. :)) they're my age though. :P plus, Acel was just soooo sweet and talented. :D I love her. :)

Richard signed my CDs. :D and even said Jillian was cute...and shy. :P What about me Richard? :( am I not pretty? hahaha kidding :)) and I have pictures too. which I will be posting next time. :))

3. November 1. Fun na rin. :D sila ate Michelle and Robin and fam were supposed to stay here, but di natuloy. :( oh well. inayos pa naman namin ng suuuuper yung kwarto nila :)) pero okay lang. :D had fun with them though, sarap ng stories nila. :D sa uulitin ha? syempre sila Kuya Ayi also, and Rowan were also fun to be with. :D kaso gabi na sila dumating. :| pero okay lang, they slept at our house so. >:) fun naman yun. :D watched Up for the first time. :D BEAAAAUUUUTIFUL movie. :) haha, I suck right? :))

I know my post sucks. :P but it was better having something than nothing. :P pictures to come, promise. :D and a better blog post. :D but right now it's almost 10:30 and I have to go to bed now. :D

mood: bored (okayyy, nakigaya narin ako :"> :)) )

10 things I hate when I'm sick.

2009-10-25T19:32:00.003+08:00

10 things I hate when I'm sick:

1. I can't sing. Everyone knows I sing everywhere-- in the shower, before I go to sleep, in the school hallways, during lunchtime. I don't know, I've never had voice lessons but I love singing. :)) and being sick stops me from expressing myself. Basically I'm a singing kettle waiting to burst. :P I can't sing without my throat just hurting and just...it doesn't feel right. :D so the songs stuck in my head are stuck for a very, very long time...

2. the lethargy. god knows I'm not the most productive person ever, but being stuck in your bedroom for 18 whole hours? (ookay, exaggerating. I go outside my room for lunch and dinner. :P ) it's ridiculous. I mean, I know I'm an internet addict, but still. :| so I slump and just have an overall "gaaahhhh" moment with slurred speech and all. :P

3. I can't talk on the phone. like with singing...I'm a very loud talker, so when I'm sick I can't talk on the phone without going all "HAHAHA YOU'RE SO FUNNY--HAAAAAHHHCHOOOOOO! *sniffles* *coughs violently*--so, umm--we were talking?" and it just really hurts to talk, much as I would love to. :P

4. I sweat. and it's not that kind of usual sweat where you feel hot, and you need to take a shower, the cold kind of sweat, where you feel hot and cold at the same time. and now I have a compelling urge to sing Katy Perry, hahaha. :P (compelling...urge. redundancy? :P )

5. I CAN'T TAKE A BATH. :| :| the eff.

6. THE PAKKING PHLEGM. that sticky and grossly sweet discharge (YUCK, hahaha) from your bronchioles (tama ba? :P ) that comes out when you cough. and the stuffy nose. just....no.

7. You know how your brother yells at you for not doing chores....I'm SICK nga eh. unless you want to have bacteria all over your plates... :>

8. I. look. horrible.

9. I feel too lazy with just about everything. (see number 9.)

10. I know I don't have anything else better to do, and for the sake of doing something I blog about 10 things why I hate being sick. :P

you make me feel that everything is going right. :)

2009-10-25T00:16:00.004+08:00

Wasn't it just yesterday I posted an epic blog of a monthsary? :P

Head to toe we match you know.
Together watching the falling snow,
Staying warm beside the fire, looking out the window.
I'm loving everything you say and do,
Tell you when you say you feel it too,
I'm gonna say that you're the one, and that my search is done.
'Cause you,
You make me feel,
That everything is going right,
That I can go to sleep tonight,
And awake to find you here.
You make me feel,
That everything is going right,
That I can go to sleep tonight,
And I wake up to your voice, down, blankets and pillows. ♥

~~didn't write this one. just loaned it from Gabe Bondoc. :P~~

'Cause baby, we match in ways they'll never know. :) I love you Mark. :) Just....thank you. For coming here, for putting a smile on my face. Natawa ako nung nag-alarm yung phone ko, "Monthsary, 12:00 AM" haha. :P thanks for the prank. :))

awwwwwww. you've only been away 7 hours but I already miss you. :) yuck...obsessed na ba? =)))) joke lang. :P

happy monthsary Superman. :)

...okay, this is umm....weird? :))

2009-10-23T17:07:00.004+08:00

I didn't go to school today. And I've really almost basically done everything I could on the internet, and I'm bored. :P So I decided to Google myself, not out of vanity...just pure, plain boredom. :))

First, I tried Samantha Beltran. Aside from my Friendster profile which is like, 6 billion years old :)) a lot of other Samanthas popped up, which goes to show my name has no originality whatsoever. :)) then, I tried crossroadskitten. A couple of Mariel's old plurks showed up, then other than that there were other random links.

Then...I tried withbangsinmyeyes. I know it's really not a big deal, but it kind of got me wondering "uhh....what just happened?"

sure, my blog, and Anton's blog and even my Friendster profile showed up, but this kind of got me going "wait....what?"

apparently my blog is mentioned on some site, along with Pax. :)) I'm not sure why, I tried clicking the link but just a bunch of other videos showed up. *sigh* the mystery. :))

Anyone have an answer to my question? =))

Let me play Dr. Phil today. :))

2009-10-22T19:10:00.003+08:00

So normally I have this rule on not butting in on other people's lovelives, especially my friends', but I figured....once in a while it's fun. :))

This just goes out to my friend and her significant other. So while I'm not exactly Dr. Phil, maybe some of my insanity would rub off on you and turn the world right upside again. Crazy, isn't it? :)) Pax once told me that only insane people deal with the crazy shit that is love. If love makes us insane, then so be it. :D We need some insanity in our lives to go 'round. :)

So basically I'm warning you, my post will be full of references and just cheesy ripoffs of quotes, but they're true nonetheless. :D

Taylor Swift just sums it all up the best-- "This love is difficult, but it's re-eal." So did Chuck Bass-- "In the face of true love, you never give up." When two people enter a relationship, basically they're signing this invisible yet totally valid contract that ensues a lot of insanity, random moodswings and maybe even times that you'll feel like giving up. Yet that contract assures you that you're doing this in the name of love. Just....all those craziness for one word that all the 6pointsomething billion other people in this world have found, are finding, or lost. Cheeeeessyy....right? But basically love gives you the license to be whoever you want to be--insane or borderline freaky.

Love is not only about finding happiness. Though of course, happiness happens to be a good chunk of it....it also entails sacrifice, patience, understanding, and just a lot more that we human beings find in the name of human nature. It takes grown-ups for relationships to work. Though I'm not saying that you need to be in your 20's for this to happen...what's important is that you grow together and learn from your mistakes....like Pax said, it's not the fights that make couples stronger...it's what they learn from it that does.

My point is, in relationships, there will come a certain point that you won't like what you're experiencing, you won't agree on everything and you'll probably even dislike each other....but it's just part of the insanity you signed up for. You didn't sign up for a fairytale....hell, you signed up for a relationship. Which has its ups and downs....but either way, you learn from each other so much more. :)

So if ever you feel like giving up, don't. But then again, it all comes down to you. I won't dictate you on how to manage your relationship.....but hangga't kayang ayusin, ayusin. Breakups are thoroughly thought through....some take days to ponder, weeks, months even. Breakups are only to be resorted to if you think that you're not getting what you really want in the relationship anymore, and that you're not really happy anymore. Because if you don't make the right decision....you might end up regretting it.

By the end of this post, I'd have learned that you two have already made up. :P Which is good. :) Oh well. But at least somehow I hope some people would have benefitted from this. :P Which just really takes a lot of common sense....but sometimes when in doubt, you tend to lose them. :))

episodes when I get an epiphany--or not.

2009-10-22T17:24:00.002+08:00

Today's one of the days I'm kind of thankful for....I just woke up with a chipper disposition and all, and for once, I think my old mature self is back, since I've been out of orbit and just plain immature at times recently. Although I have my occasional pepper spray episodes.... :)) but I digress.

I've been thinking a lot lately, which usually leads me to staring into blank spaces at random times....that's why I'm usually an object of ridicule by my friends :)) That's what happens when I just think too much.

One of the things I've been really pondering about is college. Since I started my senior year, there's never been a day when I've at least thought about my future. It's just kind of hard, living in the moment per se, not knowing what'll happen in a few months-- give or take 5 months, I'll be receiving my diploma and be out of high school at once, not to mention I'd have already found out by then the results of my several college entrance exams....*bites fingernails nervously*

I feel like such a failure though. Until now, I don't really know what I want to do. I thought I was one of those people that did, but just so many things happen, it kind of changes plans. Damnit, dare I say it, I feel like Troy Bolton. :)) For a really long time, I thought-- take up Journalism, or some related course, then Law. It was all planned out for me. I'd be involved in hard-hitting news while also spending time in court defending some bigshot case. Then maybe if I grew a little older, I'd be involved in a little public office, just to be able to help other people, to protect their welfare, to help the country. I thought I had it all going for me. But then my parents begin to go...."But you're an American citizen, use your advantage" or "We don't have enough money for law school." What just irks me off the most that much as I'd hate to admit it, they're by all technical means right. Life is hard, and not taking advantage of my citizenship is tantamount to being a person who hasn't eaten for three days and gets thrown a sandwich--but you don't eat it because you don't like the flavor. I mean, any sane person would eat that sandwich regardless of its taste because you need it. Because you may not get any other opportunity when you let it pass by.

Another thing....money for law school. I'm not rich, and I've applied for scholarships in universities which I'm eligible for. That alone is hard, because you never get any assurance, no one tells you that "Oh, you're a shoe-in for financial aid, you've got the credentials" because as far as you're concerned, you're competing against everyone else in limited slots for scholarships. Because let's face it, I'm no running valedictorian. Honors, sure....but like I've said before, I'm no Gabriella Montez. (sick of the HSM references? :P ) Plus, my mom doesn't really want me defending for something that isn't right, defeating the very purpose of your profession which is to deliver justice to the oppressed. That alone is a huge factor. So I've sort of pushed it away. :P

.....maybe I could be just a journalist? That could work. Then again, there's the thing about money, and just the very safety of your life. I can definitely see myself migrating after graduation --though I'm hoping it's not permanent, because I'd want to go back to the Philippines--, so I'd rather choose a more practical course.

.....how about Pharmacy, or any pre-med course? Riiight, because both my parents are doctors. It's in the genes...right? My mom's been pushing me to go this track because not only is healthcare a lucrative workplace salary-wise abroad....I could work for a number of years and even go back to the Philippines to go to med school. While it sounds like a solid plan, it's exactly why I'm not so comfortable. For a while I've been easing up to this plan, pre-med doesn't sound like such a bad idea....but it's not what I REALLY want to do. It's something I'm okay with, but it's not my number 1 dream or anything. Plus, even if I do get a solid job in the States, if I go back to the Philippines...will it assure me as steady a job and salary here as I had there? Though I would go to med school for the sake of having a title-- "Samantha Beltran, M.D.", if I already start working I think I'd lose my interest in going back to school, because if I finish med school I'd be in my what, thirties?

.....okay, sort of win-win. How about I go be a teacher? Just yesterday my aunt called my mom up from Chicago and told her to let me work as a teacher instead because apparently, it's in demand. Now, this is sort of a win-win for a number of reasons: coincidentally I applied for BS Early Childhood Education in one of the universities I applied for, and I kind of want to work with kids. So it's sort of win-win....right? After all, I could go back to the Philippines and just work in any school. But the thing is, I'm not sure if they want me to teach pre-school...maybe they're looking for something in elementary/high school level. English? Maybe, maybe I could teach English....but the very thought of my students being taller than me kind of weirds me out. :)) I mean, I'm used to being vertically challenged, but if I want to be a figure of authority I have to at least look the part. :P Plus, even if I've expressed my sentiments once in probably putting up my own pre-school.....is teaching really something I'd want to do for the rest of my life? By all means I am not putting this profession down, since I'm also considering it somehow....but it's never really what I imagined myself doing. I know I sound confusing, because I want to put up my own school, yet I'm not sure about being a teacher for the rest of my life--but I mean, even putting up a school alone is an ambitious goal. I'd need the funds for it. And probably a masters degree. Or a Ph.D. Plus, what bothers me is that I know that there's something that I want to do....I want to do a lot of things--god I sound like that Centrum commercial. :)) But seriously speaking....I feel restricted, constrained and not getting out of the box if I confine myself to this. So gah...I don't really know. :|

I think I just have to clear my mind for now--this is what I get for thinking too much. :)) am I getting too forward? Should I slow down a little? I just can't help but be scared....the future's months away and I have to make a decision that would just make or break me.

I think I'm gonna go chill. :))

gabe bondoc-ing at 12 in the morning.

2009-10-19T23:48:00.008+08:00

I'm up. Past my bedtime (as usual, haha). WHY? I blame Gabe. Bondoc, for that matter. :P

Well it's really no secret that I'm a fan of the guy and his covers (I'm pretty sure everyone's heard of his cover Love Story, his most popular video to date with over 1million views). But while his covers are amazing, his ORIGINAL songs are just pure love.♥

My personal favorite, Gentlemen Don't. Whenever he plays the song, panalo na intro pa lang. It never fails to bring a smile on my face. Every time. And I mean it. :) It's one of the best songs he's written in my opinion.

Waiting...another one of my favorites. It's just a really good song, and I was almost in tears when I was watching it. It's not his saddest song (I think it's Suitcases, another amazing song), but the emotion just shines through it all. The melody's very soothing too. :)

aaaand a personal favorite, Life Love Everything. ate Issa even referenced this song on her blog. (haha, hi ate Issa! :D ) song for the people in love. :) woo!

another song for people in love, We Match :) :

and Dorm Room, which is just basically about memories manifested in things inside a room.

though I've posted my favorites here, I highly, highly recommend you see all of his videos. And be amazed and inspired. :) and I know all I did for this post was to copy+paste video links and put short descriptions (woooo, way to be productive, Sam :)) ) and instead of going to bed, here I am Youtube-ing. :P

almost 12:30 AM. I think I'm gonna go fall asleep to Gabe Bondoc. :P

AHHHH RENT FTW :))

2009-10-19T19:50:00.002+08:00

Because of ANTON (thank you Mr. Anthony :)) ) I found out that dundundun....

RENT is going to be shown here in Manila again! The last time they staged Rent here was waaaayy back in 2001 by Atlantis Productions (LOVE their musical adaptations :) ). and since I got obsessed with Rent, it's been my prayer that they'd show Rent again here, somehow. Though I thought it wasn't going to happen.

A lot of people who know me know how much I love Rent, and I'm a self-proclaimed Renthead (which us Rent fans collectively call ourselves :P ) and Jonathan got to watch it on Broadway and I didn't :( and this just makes me go "FAAAAAAAA *dies*" :)) I know I sound like an incoherent druggie, but I'm just really excited. And if I go and watch this I'd be reaaaaaaally happy. :D I know I've explained the premise of Rent a thousand times, but for those who haven't heard of it, it's a critically-acclaimed and award-winning Broadway musical, having won a Pulitzer and a Tony. It is also responsible for increasing the popularity of musical theater among the younger generation (thank you Wikipedia :P ). It's a rock musical about this group of bohemians who try to celebrate life in the midst of poverty and AIDS. Basically it's really popular, and it ended its 12-year run last September 7, 2008. Now that it's going to be shown in the Philippines after it closed on Broadway...it makes me happy. :P

Then Anton told me that they would be showing Rent....again! YAY! :) As a RENThead....you can only imagine the excitement and joy I felt. :)) though I don't think Atlantis is doing it anymore, instead it will be produced by 9WorksTheatrical....but still, it looks pretty good. :D

check this site out:

http://www.ourawesomeplanet.com/awesome/2009/10/rent-in-manila-1.html

YAAAAAAAAYY. and it will be held in February. no worries. it's my birth month. :) *screams* *faints* *wakes up* *screams again*

all credit to ourawesomeplanet.com and Anton :) (coincidentally, the webmaster of the site is also named Anton, so thank you too :D )

on a side noteeee....Atlantis is apparently preparing for adaptations of the Broadway musicals Xanadu and Legally Blonde the Musical for Summer 2010! This is honestly just making me all ADD. :)) Right now, they're working on Spring Awakening which, on a Gleek note, Lea Michele starred in. :P and I found this through Playbill, which is basically theatregoers' handbook. :P SO IT'S LEGIT. :> also, I checked Atlantis Productions' website, and true enough they're doing these musicals. So what does Sam do? SAVESAVESAVESAVE MONEY. :D (or just do puppy dog eyes and plead the 'rents to buy me tickets...)

I hope they do Wicked. :> that would be FANTASTIC. or hell, even Lion King. :P

hey, I fell in love with you all over again. :)

2009-10-19T10:57:00.003+08:00

To feel his strong arms around me again. :) To hear him laugh his adorable laugh and whisper "I love you" in my ears. :D To see his beautiful smile and know that it's for me. :) To feel his soft, candy lips. To look back in his loving gaze and know that we're for each other. To feel like the girl I was and the boy he became one summer night.

To remind myself once again what our sacrifices are all for. :) Waiting in the rough, sticking through hard times while being comforted by the thought that, "Okay lang 'to, makikita ko din naman siya eh."

I just needed to see him, touch him, feel him to stop me from going insane. :))

....have I told you that I love you? :) 4 days to go. ♥

I need to come up with better blog posts.

2009-10-17T01:12:00.008+08:00

Yet, I don't have anything to say. Actually, I have a lot but I choose not to right now because, a.) I'm sleepy, b.) I can't decide what to talk about, and c.) I'm still looking for a skin for Chiquet. :P that's how I love you Chiki. :"> haha. :))

so once upon a time, Chiki, Justine and I were bored. :P So we (actually they, haha) decided to write on my baon. :)) para daw mapasa sa buong Pilipinas, at baka daw makarating kay G3 or Mark. :P

Says "Chiquet ♥ G3" and "Sam ♥ Mark tating" if you squint reeeeaaally hard. :)) the resolution's crappy so... :)) if anyone finds this, sabihan nyo kami agad. :P

JJ (Enchong Dee :P ). ohh lupet oh. alang tyan ang loko. :)) HAHAHA! kainggit. :P syempre hindi nagpatalo si Junko. :P you're SOOOO LONG. for real. :))

o diba. :)) straight na straight. parang gymnast lang. :"> :))

I need to get more inspired these days. :"> :)) one of these days, I SWEAR, I will write something more err....deep and substantial. :P

random post.

2009-10-13T23:06:00.002+08:00

I haven't updated in a few days. I've got nothing much to say. :P

aaaaaanywhoo.....my new sneakers. B-) I'm pathetic, I know. But I've been hunting them for a while, and I finally got 'em! Converse Lite limited edition. B-) I love it. :))

I love Mark. I love Mark Christian Tating. :) Hahaha. :P random blurb lang. I love you. :)

medyo wala ako sa mood magkwento. =)))) that's because it's past 11PM, and my tummy's grumbling...apparently the wrong time to be hungry. :P babawi ako bukas, I promise. :">

on a side note: hindi pa pala ako nag-aaral for advanced bio. :| damnit. oh well. idaan nalang sa cramming. :> PROCRASTINATION RULES. =))

kuya, tatlong dota po =)))) hahaha benta eh :))

2009-10-10T08:38:00.013+08:00

monthsary ni chiquet. wala yung boyfriend nya. :( tantananan! *drumroll* Sam and Justine to the rescue. o ha. :))

but before that were the dreaded exams. :| ughh. kami na ata yung pinakamasahol na 4th year sa cheating. science section na nga diba (or first section, honors, whichever you prefer). :)) pinaghiwahiwalay na (they separated us into 2 rooms), the tests were in Set A and Set B pa. :P AAAAND, cinonfiscate ang phones. woo. :)) pero syempre, alang uubra samin. :P HAHA.

buy 1 take 1 mga pre. :))

our classes were only till 12 noon, but we went home at like 1 because of Math. :| for some reason this day amuses me because all of the seniors are wearing the ~~hideous~~ CAT uniforms. :)) mukha kaming bodyguard ng bayan. :P I even have this theory that CAT is short for CAT-ulong -- CATulong sa mga programs ng school. :)) ay weh corny. but it's true. amirite seniors, este Chiquet lang pala? :>

Service and discipline, bitches. :))

oh so eto na! the start of our date. :)) so una, kumain kami sa KFC. then we saw Ana and Bea, tapos yung mga guys nakita namin dumaan papunta sa Centerpoint next door, so we called them. :P haha. ayun chumibog muna. then they left. magdodota na naman eh :)) haha sabi tuloy namin kami din magdodota. :P HAHA. asa naman.

BAHAHA. but we went next door anyway. hahaha, so we really contemplated what if we played DoTa. I think we were even half serious when we brought the suggestion up. so sabi ko tuloy, so sabihin natin "kuya isa nga pong dota". BAHAHAHA =))))) halatang hindi marunong, mga n00bs. :)) but when we went there the stations were full :| so we settled with watching our classmates and distracting them =))

The masters at work. CAT shirts mga pre! :)) anlalakas talaga ng loob gumalang nakaCAT eh. haha. :P go mga chong! *haha, enchong dee, wala lang :))* ayun oh si enchong. nasa center ng picture. :))

Yvet was also there, but since wala na rin kaming magawa dun kundi manggulo, we just left. :)) kawawa naman eh, we had to let them play in peace. kami nga lang maingay dun eh, tatatlo na nga lang. :P

so after that we watched a movie....guess what? Yaya and Angelina. HAHAHA. :)) well, ang corny nya. :P ok sana eh. but GAH. corny talaga. :)) well I have to give the some props, there WERE some funny moments. but bilang lang. :| kay Justine lang naman bumenta eh. HAHAHA! peace Justine and your kababawan. =))))

yes I look frickin' retarded. sue me. :))

medyo antagal nga nung lights out, tapos sa may row namin wala masyadong tao. actually wala talaga. :)) most of them were at the back. so niloko namin si chiquet eh, if g3 were here.... :> hahaha! =))) dirty minds. :P

after that, we decided to go to the "burrd peystibal" -- my mom called me up and told me to go there. :|:| so we decided to go on foot. haha! :)) medyo mahaba-haba yung lakad. :P along the way we saw this reeeeaaaaallly cute yellow Volkswagen, which looked a lot like my toy Barbie Volks, albeit without the flowery stickers. :)) it was traffic so we tried taking a picture of it, but it was getting away so we ran after it! hahaha needless to say we looked stupid. and ang n00b no, parang ngayon lang nakakita ng Volks. :)) walang basagan ng trip. :P

wooo. :)) success--sort of. :P

it was already raining while we were walking....so nagsqueeze kami sa isang umbrella, we looked like fools. :)) ay grabe ang funn. :> so when we got to Capitol Drive they were about to close na. :| WHAAAAT. :|:|:| so we just settled with taking pictures. :>

soooooo after this we decided to go to Michell's and pig out. :)) libre ni Chiquet yung cake syempre. :> tapos after nun umuwi na :D

awwwwwwww this was such a fun day. and our first after-school gala this school year! :O gosh, ang lame natin. hahaha :)) samantala last year every week ata eh. :P

ily Tatin and Chiki. :> ulitin ah? :)

so uh.

2009-10-08T21:59:00.002+08:00

it's 1 minute till 10. and I'm going crazy like shit.

god, Sam. tanga mo. tanga tanga mo. UGH. sarap mong sapakin. for reals. :| :| :|

I basically forgot everything I reviewed for Advanced Bio. goodluck sakin.

.....did I mention that I was an idiot?

EDIT: my Glee episode 6 isn't yet done downloading. I downloaded that at 5PM. ~~FUUUUUCK~~ THIS. :| :| :| ~~sorry ma, di ko napigilan eh.~~

awwww. :)

2009-10-07T23:28:00.004+08:00

"i miss you :) cge mtlog nko :P haha :D"

yuck ang corny ko. binlog ko pa yun :)) seriously though, that short text from him just made me smile. just an hour before when we were on the phone I just acted weird, something that's kindof been happening lately. I don't know, maybe it's because I'm just freaking out that we're kind of far away....but we really try not to make that an issue. awkward silence ensues. and then he falls asleep on the phone. I keep yelling but he's so sound asleep I can't bother to wake him up and instead listen to his breathing on the phone until it hangs up on its own. then i try to come up with a really long message how I'm sorry with the way I'm acting and that I love him...I love him so much. after some time passes when he realizes he's slept on me, he calls to say goodnight, and tells me to sleep because I always sleep late :P. we hang up. then he texts me. just so randomly, none of that cheesy stuff. it's so straightforward, so him and yet so sincere.

sometimes it's not the novel-long and cheesy fluff that makes my heart jump (though I'm not complaining, I love his fluffy long texts); it's just those short messages he texts out of the blue that makes me really melt inside. :D

awwwwww I love you. :)

and now I have to get back on studying. when did Economics get so friggin' hard? :| too. many. things. to. memorize. :))

2009-10-06T13:41:00.003+08:00

These are the old clothes which I plan on donating to the victims of the typhoon Ondoy (please ignore the exposed brassieres; apparently a lot of people need them). I know they're not much, compared to others, but it just feels good knowing that I could help people in my own way. :)

If the exposed bras bother you, please let me know and I'll change the picture.

Aaaaanywho. I might not be able to update my blog for the next 4 days or so, let alone use the internet. It's exams week, and I got into a bit of argument with my mom again, blah blah. Apparently she misunderstood when I used the word "F*CKING" in its context. She thought I meant it literally, and not as an....expression (gah I forgot the word...someone please supply me with it?). I mean sure, it's really not nice to hear but I ended up getting a patronizing speech about my lack of morals. :| I tried explaining last night how I am not completely insane ~~yet~~, and how basically everyone I know, including honors people use them but ended up mumbling and submitting in silent defeat because I forgot the darn word :P So basically my laptop is "confiscated" until my exams are over.

Basically I have to go on the board and write "I will never use explicit profanity on the internet again so that my mom does not misunderstand and think I'm a ~~slut~~" at least 500 times. :))

Ccccccccciaaaao.

skin rest.

2009-10-05T20:10:00.002+08:00

Okay so basically I retired my skin for a short while, and went back to basic. It pretty much sucks not having a comments page...I found a code which supposedly allowed comments...while it showed that I had 0 comments, when I clicked it to leave a comment, there was no comments page. boohoo. :(

so while I sort out how to be able to allow comments, meanwhile this'll do. :) I'm not really expecting a gajillion comments, but I hope you do share whatever you have to say. :D THANKS. :D

g3quet. GLEE. :">

2009-10-05T01:52:00.012+08:00

g3quet. GLEE. :">

G3 visited Chiquet. LUCKY DUCK :">

I'd go on explaining in great detail how that happened, but I'll leave Chiquet to the lovestruck squealing. :)) Meanwhile, here are some pictures.

yiheeee. :"> hahaha :)

and oooooookay....GLEE! I LOVE GLEE. I am an official Gleek now. :)) I geek out to Glee. Seriously. I have all 5 episodes on my laptop, which I watch to my liberty. :"> I could really go on and on how great Glee is, but I'll save that for another time...this is what I get for blogging at 2:30 AM. :-< ) I love their take on showtunes.Dude, Lea Michele's version of On My Own from Les Mis WAS beautiful, but still, Lea Salonga kills this song. And the West Side Story reference. I understand how they're targetting this to the casual viewer so not a lot of musicals are showcased, but c'mon, a little Rent and Hairspray surely won't hurt. ;) Oooookay, I know I'm babbling, so here's a video instead of Rehab by Vocal Adrenaline, New Definitions' soon-to-be rivals:

One of the reasons why I love Glee so much is because sure, it's not as scandalous or dramatic as Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill, the OC, but that's exactly the point. It's a guilty pleasure that infects you with its peppiness but not going over-the-top (HSM, anyone?), where you don't have to feel like you're dragged into melodrama, or even feel scandalized watching very sensitive scenes (sure, there are a few makeout scenes, which are usually kept short). It's mostly light comedy, something reminiscent of Ugly Betty. It's all musical, viewer-friendly fun. Plus, as cheesy as it may totally sound, Glee just really inspires me, when they're dancing their butts off or singing their hearts out, or both. It makes me want to do the same, following my heart, and do what I want to do which is get onstage and be myself. :)

Expect a lot of Gleeking in the future. :P

stupid hypocrisy.

2009-09-30T22:40:00.004+08:00

stupid hypocrisy.

ugh. :| :|

you know I love you. I really do. But sometimes you get wayyy too far. I'm not the worst girl in the world, you know. but i'm not fucking gabriella montez either for petesake.

-end of rant-

2009-09-29T18:24:00.005+08:00

I so did not sign up for this.
As everyone knows by now, a massive typhoon called Ondoy (internationally known as Ketsana) has plagued the Philippines, leaving massive (and when I say massive, I am not exaggerating) floods, month's worth of rainfall in 6 hours, and 240 people killed.

Normally, when a typhoon hits the country, floods are to be expected. I feel a surge of pity for the victims of typhoons, but as selfish as it may sound, it is only until there. I am 15 after all...what do I know about charity?

But this time, the story I will tell is one of the thousands' of people's own experiences about the storm, the first in Philippine history. While it may not seem as bad compared to others who lost their belongings and families, and pray tell, that they may finally seek solace and comfort in their time of loss...it has opened my eyes to a lot of things.

Joy, Jonathan and I arrived in Manila on a rainy Friday night, but we weren't exactly expecting the worst. The next day I was scheduled to attend the Assumption open house, probably see Mark, and go home. That Friday night, I got to see Mark for our monthsary even if only for a few hours, and stayed at my cousin's place in Quezon City. It had been a really crappy night, because of some miscommunication and such, but we made it through.

The next day...agh. I woke up early, hoping that I would make it to the AC open house, which probably turned out to be one of my worst decisions ever. I was alone, I didn't fit in, and the continuous rain wasn't doing any good. Mark had also been on a bad mood that morning, and I wasn't able to talk to him other than a few minutes because my battery was running low, and I was trying to save it for fear that it would run dead later that day.

It ran dead. Shit shit shit. Pakapalan na ng mukha. I asked my assigned AC ate (whose name skips me, sorry) if I could text through her phone, and other AC people there. Ugh, I felt so pathetic. I expected not to have much fun--I was after all alone, and I really didn't have anyone to talk to, but as the day dragged on, and people started seeing other people, I felt "ugh, great. I don't have a phone, and no one would talk to me." I looked like this anti-social freak stuck in a swirl of girly girls and peppiness.

The orientation went through, as the exams. We were supposed to have this lunch and fashion show thing/concert, but while we were taking the exams--mind you, the rain was getting to us, but we really didn't think of it much, they cancelled the afternoon events because apparently, the rain was getting worse, and AC was flooding--first time in AC history. Also, the power went out, and I'm assuming they did that for safety. Like I said, I still didn't know that something was up, and all I thought was "great. I'm stuck in a school with people I don't know, my battery is dead, and I can't go home. fuck my life." Again, I texted through some girl's number asking someone to fetch me, and all I had to do was go out and wait patiently.

As I exited the exam room, the rain was turning for the worse, but somehow they managed to continue the program albeit informal in the hallway. As they were doing a roll call of several Manila schools "Let's hear it for AC high! Poveda! St. Paul Pasig!" etc., I felt even more like a stupid outcast. I bought a cappuccino and tried going back to the chapel, where Kuya Rudy had dropped me off, but as I got there there were benches stuck together to form a makeshift bridge from the waters, which was ankle deep. I crossed it, but as I got to the end the water got even deeper. I attempted to roll my jeans, and get back--good thing the chapel wasn't flooded.

I waited patiently for Kuya Rudy to fetch me--give or take 30 minutes, alone, quiet. The worst day of my life, I thought. After the car finally came, I thought it was over.

It wasn't. Sure it was raining, but as I got out it got even worse. As we went north the flood got even deeper, especially in Shaw. People were seriously standing on the sidewalks, like waiting for some miracle to happen, all wet--and when I say wet, I mean basang sisiw wet. I started to get an inkling that it was going to get worse. We went around in circles, and Kuya Rudy decided to park the car in Shang, and leave it there overnight despite paying 345 pesos. Better 300 bucks gone than the car.

We decided to go home through MRT. Saktong sakto--there were 2 umbrellas in the car, and Kuya Rudy and I got one each. The waters were already gushing through the stairs, and I had to be really careful not to trip. After all once I reached the MRT, it couldn't be that bad, could it?

Wrong. As we got there--hundreds of people lined up, all eager to get their tickets and get home at once. Ang galing nga ni Kuya Rudy eh, sumingit singit lang kami. It probably took us 20 minutes to get our ticket and wait for the train.

A bunch of people were already lined up, waiting for the train in that station. 15 minutes after, the train came. And the sight was not what I expected.

I have seen full trains before, especially when I was in Manila and naaabutan ko ang rush hour, but this was 5times worse than MRT at its worst rush hour. There was hardly any inch for people to move about, and some were already pressed on the doors. To say that they were really packed in like sardines would be an understatement. People larger behind me started pushing through, and I was scared to get in, but Kuya Rudy pushed me in. But no matter how hard we tried, I couldn't get in, and the stubborn guys hardly even had any space inside the train anymore. People were cursing, because those who wanted to get out of that station couldn't, because the passengers wouldn't budge and give way. The train was already buzzing, probably because it was already overloaded, and there was simply no way I could squeeze in, however small my frame was. People were already panicking, and I was scared that through the mob, I might fall on the rails. We missed the trip and ended up waiting for the next train.

The situation didn't get any better. The second train was still packed, yet somehow Kuya Rudy and I managed to squeeze in. I could hardly move--I was almost pressed to the doors, and I was even scared that once the doors opened, I would fall because knowing how people kept on pushing, wala nang pakialamanan, basta't makauwi. Good thing the door on my side didn't open. I wanted to cry that time, because I felt like we were really hanging on a thread here--would I really get home? A bunch of guys were pressed on to me which made me even want to cry more--for some reason I felt violated. Yet at the same time I couldn't get mad and do anything because I know that they weren't doing it on purpose, there was really hardly any space to move in, and we all just wanted to get home safely.

Since we were getting off on Quezon Ave., it took us probably 5 stations before we got off. I felt like I was going to faint throughout the entire trip--I couldn't breathe anymore due to lack of air, like I said we were all squeezed in tightly, and imagine the people that got in as we stopped in the next stations. The train wasn't doing any good either--it got slower and slower, and at one point even stopped at the middle of the tracks.

During the trip too, what I saw made me realize what we were truly experiencing. As we looked out the window, floods were up to my chest, and cars were already stranded and wouldn't work anymore on the roads because of the high flood. A bus--imagine that, a bus was even partially submerged in water. Imagine the passengers stuck in there.

As we got to the terminal in Quezon Avenue, I suddenly thought of what I was wearing--a long spaghetti strap blouse, skinny jeans, and slippery slippers. I was so not prepared for this, and apparently this was the wrong time to leave my jacket back in Bataan. But still, I had to brave the current, even if I was already freezing. The waters were already raging through the steps, and as I looked out the situation even got me more depressed. The murky waters were still high, probably about waist level, and cars did not occupy the flyovers, but people--people walking through the storm, braving with their umbrellas and jackets. Nagtirikan na talaga ang mga kotse. As I was processing what was happening to us and to Manila, I felt as if the flooded streets, heavy rains and the people-filled flyovers--basically the whole picture taunting me, asking me, "O ano, gusto mo pa magMaynila?"

As we got down, nakapagMcDo pa kami...funny right? At times like those makakain ka pa. We haven't even since we left Makati, which was around 1:30, and we got to Quezon Ave. at around 4something. But I guess, no use na rin if McDo was going to shut down and send the employees home, either way they were stranded. After eating, we were supposed to walk back home which was a few blocks away...but there was no use. Some really wet people were already walking through the floods, which went up to their chests, but we weren't taking that risk. Instead, we saw a Meralco truck headed for the same way we were, and we hitched. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Assuming na mataas ang makina ng truck na yun kaya hindi agad titirik sa height ng flood.

The driver dropped us by the corner, which was already near where I was staying. As we got on foot, the heavy rains and winds got even worse, and with what I was wearing, I had to withstand the extreme cold and fight them with my umbrella, which was already threatening to wear down completely....bumaliktad na nga nang todo eh. Finally, we reached the house....and I just wanted to break down and cry, but I didn't have the strength to. During the summer, I stayed in Katipunan for 2 uninterrupted weeks and not once did I go home...but one day of trauma and disaster was enough to make me completely homesick.

Gladly, I got home safe. Unfortunately, we lost power, which didn't come back until Monday, and so I had no news whatsoever of what was happening in Manila. I didn't know that in Marikina, lagpas tao na ang baha, and people were sent to their roofs, let alone how Mark was doing. I had no means of contact with him--I had no phone, I tried texting him through other numbers but apparently he didn't have enough load to text other networks.

I know my experience isn't probably as tragic as other people's like I said, but this is not the time for drama. This is the time for action. The way I experienced the flood...the way we connected with total strangers in the 15-minute MRT ride in the time of trouble was more than enough to move me and say that the Philippines needs help. It was not our fault that it rained so hard...but we are responsible for the aggravation of the situation. Metro Manila has the lowest forest density...imagine all the trees that could have absorbed the flood.
To everyone that lost their possessions and loved ones, I am truly sorry for your pain. I am convinced to donate some of my things to help these people. Some people can forget about what happened last weekend, but these people, it would probably take a lifetime for them to truly recover what they have lost.

I wish I had pictures to suffice for the things I saw and experienced--but then again, I don't think it's quite necessary. Later in the news, I saw how houses had been flooded up to the ceiling of the first floor, and how people had sacrificed their lives to save other people...hopefully such a thing would never happen again.

you and me, we just make sense. :)

2009-09-25T00:02:00.003+08:00

you and me, we just make sense. :)

no words can express how much I feel for you. :) *Two Is Better Than One plays*

Sadly, words are all that I have right now, but I'll try to make the best out of it. It's a few hours shy of 12 my love, and I'm just waiting till it's finally the 25th. :)

Minsan nga nagtataka ako eh--2 months pa lang tayo? Because in such a short while, I got to know you so much better and fall even more in love with you everyday. I've been waiting for your call kanina pa--but I know right now you're probably sleeping so soundly, and I don't even have load to text you or call you...so this will do for the moment. :) Plus you've always been so tired lately...dapat lang na nagrrest ka, kundi lagot ka talaga sakin. :P

Right now as I type away, memories, flash into my mind--how we met, how every single detail of you coming into my life has led into what we have now.

We don't have much yet--like you always say we still have a long way to go, but I'm enjoying the ride. :) And getting to know you more and just being even a larger part of your life has never been so much more exciting.

I don't really know what to say to you right now...nakakahiya man aminin, I do have tears in my eyes right now :P because I just feel so overwhelmed with everything. Before you met me, I was confused...ang emo diba? and corny. pero totoo naman kasi. :P I kind of didn't know which direction to go...everyday na nagigising ako, parang walang patutunguhan. Sounds familiar? You told me the same thing din before. :P And ngayon ko lang narealize na I was also the same way. Then...you came. I'm not really sure how, but I think I know why. :) Before you I kept on praying that I would meet someone who could give me so much happiness. I could have never gotten a better answer for my prayer. :)

Because you, you're more than just my happiness. You're not only a cute guy na nagpapakilig sakin just because. You're not only a friend who I can crack jokes with and be totally gross with (well, not totally...but you get the point :P ) You're kind of like my personal cheering squad when my self-esteem's hitting the bedrock (which happens more than one occasion :P)...taob na taob mo na nga yung FEU sa UAAP Cheerdance eh. =)) You're also someone who can totally be honest with me, connect with me, tease me when you feel like it, and so much, much more. You're my SUPERMAN. :) And the fact that we're basically 132 kilometers apart is immaterial, because you seem so much closer sometimes. :D sabagay, you'll walk a thousand miles just to see me right? (or baka hindi, sabihin mo lang :P )

It's just amazing, how seemingly mundane summer days could change my life so much. :) And it's just amazing how someone like you was man enough to get to know what was behind the huge dork that was me. :P

So with all the dignity I do have left, happy 2nd monthsary Mark Christian Tating...I love you soooooo much. :) thank you for understanding me, for putting up with me, for loving me. :D sige na, natatawa na ako sa sarili ko eh. andrama kasi. 2nd month pa lang to, ang haba na ng nasabi ko. =)) nobela na yung susunod. hahaha :P But with all seriousness, poker face on...ANG HOT HOT MO. :"> hahaha :P

I heeeaaaart you :P And sana napagtyagaan mo to basahin. If you reached this part, congrats Superman! Hands down ako sayo. :D If not, well....love parin naman kita eh :"> yun nga lang, pinaghirapan ko diba, tapos hindi mo babasahin. :| HAHAHA. :))

....gift ko? :P

oh hai.

2009-09-24T17:27:00.008+08:00

Craazy. :))

Pinayagan ako. Woot. To where? Secret. :)) Bukas nalang. :D And you know what day it is tomorrow? :"> Whoever guesses right gets a free cookie! :P

OH NO THIS CAN'T BE. :O yessss, my wallet, which has been missing for over 2 weeks now (but don't tell my mom, she doesn't know :P ) has been found. :) Thank You Lord. :)

*giggles at picture subtlety* Though it was returned in a bad state, my money obviously gone, and my pictures scattered. And the gold chain gone--MAN I LOVED THAT CHAIN. :| I used to tie it up all the time, then spending hours figuring out how to undo the knot. :)) Plus I hook it up with my finger whenever I'm getting my wallet from my pocket so I don't have to stuff my whole hand in and fish it out. :P Aaaanywho, my pictures were scattered. :(( Akala ata nagtatago ako ng money sa lalagyan ng pictures. or a condom. =))))) you stole my money, whoever you are. siguro naman may pambili ka na ng Frenzy. =))))

wow, I am sooo inappropriate. :)) then again, I am not Samantha Beltran if not with a weird sense of humor. Love me or hate me, this is who I am. Woot. :))

I arrived in school at 8--late, as usual. But hindi ako ang pinaka-late. Si Jeno, ang kapitbahay ko. haha. tapos the guard made me pirma (weh, conyo :)) ) sa logbook...tinanong pa nung una kung high school student daw ako. :| pshh. parang ako "mukha bang hindi, kuya?" hahaha, ang sungit ko.

We had a usual school day today--save it for Biology class, when we went to the lab, and me, Justine, Chiquet and Julia basically did photo ops with Emilio the Kalansay...yeah we gave the science lab skeleton a name. =))) BAHAHAHA bentang benta yung pictures. Too bad I don't have them yet. Mamaya. :)) Lalo naman si Justine and Julia, emote kung emote, tawa na nga ng tawa si sir Reynan eh. Feel na feel ang holding hands and akap nila ni Emilio. Sabi ko nga, ganyan talaga kapalaran ng mga NBSB. (that's No Boyfriend Since Birth for you n00bs =)) ) Hanggang sa skeleton display nalang.HAHAHA. ang mean ko noh? =)) JOKE LANG JULIA AND TIN. ILY GUYS. <3

09-25-09.love, love, love and love. :)

Ooookay, alam nyo na anong meron? :) 3 months till Christmas! HAHAHA. kidding. ;)

skin fail. epic win =))

2009-09-24T00:26:00.004+08:00

new skin. again. =)) my skin uploaded about 24 hours ago failed on me. :((

but you know what's so cool? that this time I don't thank a username or a site for this one. I thank a friend...someone I actually know. WOO! :) MARIA PAULENE ABUNDO! I MISSED YOU. how awesome is it that I found you...YOU of all people on BlogSkins? Your skin is amazing..why else wouldn't I pick it?

This girl...ahh we go way back. :) Share a lot of interests, go through the same stuff...but we haven't talked in a loooong time. :| Sorry about missing your birthday Pau. You don't use Friendster anymore, haven't really seen you on Facebook yet. Amazing...the coincidence. :D

Wow. Just wow. Pagamit ng skin ha? :) I miss you! ily. <3 talk to me, text me, message me, IM me...whatever. We have a lot of stuff to catch up with. :)

2009-09-23T12:34:00.004+08:00

navigating me blog.

I'm not really sure if a lot of people care, but hey you can't be too sure right? =)) did that uh...make any sense?

Filler post. :P Basically the how-to on navigating my blog, since even I get confused myself. :))

I have a lot of posts, I swear. Use the scroller on the notebook, beside the post-its. Or dividers. Whatever. :)) Just in case it might mislead you that I have only one post on my blog =))

Also...the post-its (or dividers, I'm not really sure what they're called) on the notebook? The blue, salmon, yellow, purple and green things sticking out? They're how you would get your way around. Let's break it down, shall we?

Blue - shows all of my posts. Basically my homepage.
Salmon - shows my cBox/Tagboard. ~~Uhh, I'm not sure if I really need this. :))~~ ooookay, scratch that, maybe I do. =)) CLICK THE SALMON POST-IT TO COMMENT, EVERYONE!
Yellow - gallery. wow I have a gallery :))
Purple - archive. Post archives.
Green - links, affiliates, credits to the layout creator :D (I can't view my followers and who I'm following :(( )

The little blurb below probably serves as an about me description. And I added my own picture. :"> I hope that's okay...the image that was originally there exceeded bandwidth. :|

So uh, that's basically it. Happy lurking! :))

2009-09-23T12:08:00.002+08:00

para kay b.

The image above is the book cover for the novel Para Kay B, written by award-winning scriptwriter Ricky Lee (Himala, Anak etc.). His first novel, which deals with the universal theme love, is written very unconventionally, as he opts to use colloquialism and contemporary themes in his finely-crafted book, rather than traditional verbosity and imagery.

I read his book when Jana brought it to school. Kay Kuya JK ito. Na-intrigue ako sa cover--bakit may lalaking nahuhulog sa sky? and the title as well. And when you know that it is written by a literary genius such as Ricky Lee, you know you won't be disappointed. Sure, it is a little unorthodox--he refrains from using quotations in dialogues and all, plus the content itself--he ventures into odd and even taboo forms of love such as same sex and incest...but that's what makes it all the more enticing. Also, he presents us with an interesting theory, and I quote, "Me quota sa pag-ibig. Out of 5 tao na umiibig, isa lang ang nagiging masaya." Also, the characters are very real, and not one-dimensional, very relatable to and sometimes I even feel that they do exist because of the complexity in their distinct personalities.

Pwede itong one seating na read. But it took me two days to finish this because I was reading it in between classes (and even during...ssshh :)) ) I guess you guys should check it out if you want a book that deals with love in its entirety sans the sappy melodrama.

Oooookay. Haha. :D I like my new layout...don't you? :)) But there is one sliiight problem--I can't view the comments. :| and vice-versa, I mean, I don't know how people could comment back on my blog. Sabagay, not a lot of people comment, but I mean, what if they have something to say diba? I love comments, even if there aren't a lot. :)) Sometimes they're a good venue to tease friends in the blogosphere. :P So what do you think, should I change my layout and find something that accommodates comments, or let this be? Ohyeah. You can't comment. =))

I'm supposed to be in school now...it's like 12:30 PM here. Oh no worries, I'll be back. I just had to take care of some...stuff =)) (I don't cut class! *defensive*) okay, maybe I did. Once, two years ago. But that was last period, pshh. *rolls eyes* :)) You haven't been through high school if you haven't cut class (even accidentally). :P

Also, I already put titles on the top of my posts because my layouts can't also include titles...I like titles. :| haha, nagreklamo ba? =))

blurb :P

2009-09-22T23:50:00.004+08:00

Once again, I feel uninspired to blog. Ugh. I feel like the worst blogger in the world. :))

Good news is...I changed my skin! What do you think? :) Of course, I didn't make it...as if I know how to create CSS. *rolls eyes* thaaank you to BlogSkins! :D

So uhh...Chiquet has blogspot now. Wee. =))

Last Saturday, ACET. UGH. yun lang ang masasabi ko. It was pretty much challenging for the most part, not because of the content itself, but because of the time pressure. 25 items in 5 minutes...what the hell? =)) oh well. :P okay naman overall. :D goodluck nalang. <3

Mark also went here last week. Overnight. yieee. I love this picture:

isn't it sweet? awww. <3 I love you Mark. :) I'm so hungry right now, I want PIZZA. :)) naglilihi ata ako eh. =)))

ugh I know it's a lame and crappy post, and Pax would probably come over and laugh and say something smarmy like "wow, you sound your age for the first time" or something along those lines, and Mariel would be like "oh Pax you're so cute :P" haha kidding! ugh. and I didn't watch Glee tonight. ugh. :| MUST. STREAM. GLEE. I just love musicals. :D and Gossip Girl too. *Fell In Love Without You by The Motion City Soundtrack...AH-MA-ZING*.

so uhh I'd better get back to my articles and be inspired to write a much more sensible post next time. :)) titigan ko muna yung picture. AHH. =)) *raise your hand if you think I'm pretty in the picture!* HAHAHA kidding =)))

hug me and tell me that everything will be okay.

2009-08-21T19:41:00.000+08:00

The time is ticking....oh god.

On Sunday I'll be having my USTET. Today's a Friday. I haven't reviewed much, considering how hectic my schedule has been the past 3 weeks or so-- UPCAT, DSPC, long tests, student council elections and whatnot. Gotta love senior year.

I've never really been this busy in my entire life....I've never stayed up late to finish up a report or filling out college application forms because I'd be leaving at 10AM in the morning to go to Manila and stay in line for 2 hours, let alone study my brains out for an entrance exam, then read editorials at last minute because the exams and competition would be held consecutively. Then again, I realize, I'm in my last year of high school, which is basically preparing me for college...I've got to make everything count.

This is the first time I've ever fast tracked to my future 7 months later and find out that it's still a big question mark. It's like trying to walk in the dark not knowing when the light would come out, but you keep on walking anyway. I used to think that yes, I would pass my dream school and get my dream course, and I'm taking other exams for experience, or that I could say that "Yes, I passed this school". But as you go nearer those sidelines, you realize that you don't have enough security to know that the path you've chosen for yourself is the path that you would go. Even if as The Alchemist says that "If you really want something, all of the universe conspires to help you achieve it", where's the security? I'm no Einstein to know that any school would be glad to take me, though it is nice to have positivity at times. You realize that you need a plan B, if just in case it won't work out *knocks on wood*. In UST, I chose BS Pharmacy and BS Speech and Language Therapy, and it's known that their pre-med programs are quota courses, but initially I thought, "Hey, I think I'm probably smart, I think I can nail this". But now that it's getting nearer, it is only now that I become skeptic-- "what if I don't pass?" I don't need to think, I need to know. I need an assurance that some decent school is going to take me, and I'm trying to be open to every option possible. *sighs heavily*

I don't know what's going to happen to me, I've had different inclinations in the different schools I've applied to, and only God knows the plan He has for me. And that's what keeps me walking in the dark anyway, knowing that somehow, someday, everything will work out, because He has a plan for me. I hope that everything would be okay in the long run, though the wait is a little tedious.

I just needed to let my frustration and paranoia out. Now the munchkin is signing out to hopefully clear her head and maybe rock out to FTSK. :P

Blog Numero 2: Random Shit because Sam can't find any inspiration for her blog today :P

2009-05-27T13:57:00.000+08:00

I know, aside from my stupid attempt at Spanish at above blog title, I fail. :P It's only been Blog #2 and I'm already having writer's block. But still I feel like I need to address a few mundane things and fix my writer's block after *bangs head on table*.

First of all...I already have 3 followers *HOORAY!* and while I'm definitely not counting them, it's just a great feeling that people appreciate my writing, and I definitely have to thank my *mentor* for this...kuya, you already know who you are, right? *coughPaxcough* for pimpin' mah blogg on hiiizz Plurk. :P my new blog would just probably be another speck stuck in the vast world of cyberspace if it weren't for him. :D and take note of this Big Brother, this is probably one of the nicest things I'll say to you, when we're not outsmarming each other. :))

And also....let me just pimp in return...this very awesome VLog series my surrogate "ate" and Bella of sorts, May's "20 Days of Paxomania", who is for those who don't know (though that's highly implausible), is Pax's fiancee. :D Check it oooouuuut: http://www.youtube.com/user/20daysofPaxomania

the latest video here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMY_NgWyaek

and my personal favorite (gotta love the Rypay scene ;) ) heeeere:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0n3WOUPo3I

I can't put the actual video...my basic HTML's a little rusty. :

And third....while I'm already pondering what to blog about for the next time I log on...in the meantime, if anyone would gladly give them...I'm asking for any suggestions, questions, comments, *violent reactions* about my blog, and material I could blog about next time. :D

And with this short and boring post, this is the munchkin signing off, promising a better and more interesting blog post next time. :P

Oh no, not another one....

2009-05-18T13:41:00.000+08:00

Yeah, you pretty much guessed it. I have a new *cue drumroll*.....BLOG!

Huh, not so surprising, is it.

As for those who are going to ask.... "OMG SAM WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR MULTIPLY" well, I'm still using it on a daily basis...but like my predecessor Mr. Edward James Paxton had so cleverly pointed out...it's more for social interaction. Plus, I want to be able to pour out my thoughts and weirdness without having to feel that my contacts are already finding me weird enough as it is. XD

Yes, I keep bringing that up a lot, I think I AM weird.....and I'm damn proud of it. Haha.

I don't know...I just feel like sometimes I'm this average fifteen-year-old but sometimes, I feel like I'm on a completely different page that no one really seems to get. But whatever.

But yeah...mark this date and time-- May 18th, 2009...1:45 PM. The birth of a new online manifestation. An addition to one of Sam's plethora of online identities....ta da...I present you, At Below 5 Feet. I just feel like the title's very fitting. XD And because at the moment I could not think of anything better to put. :P

And I could feel the question coming up....why withbangsinmyeyes? Weeelll....this deserves a very rational and scientific explanation....my bangs are getting in the way of my eyes. :P No, seriously. And plus it brings me back to first year, when I used to put that name for Kris Kringle...haha, good times. To quote Sharpay Evans (quoting HSM, I know....lame :P ) : "It just makes sense".

And I guess that's what my blog is going to be about. No matter how senseless (haha, irony lawls :P) , cynical, boring, or whatever adjective you'd like to use to describe the material that is going to go in here.....in Sam-speak, it just has to make sense to me.